need ... inspiration ...

[veronica_rich]

This is totally not an emo post. I'm just missing my - inspiration, mojo, work ethic, whatever you want to call it. I have no desire to do much anymore, and it's driving me batty. I spent years working hard - good grades in high school and college, awards when I could, worked hard on my career (70 hours a week or more for little pay) out of college, got all kinds of awards there, too. Heck, when I lost my job five years ago, I took up temping and all kinds of part-time work just to stay afloat financially. I've lived on freelancing and legal work for the past several years. But I've hit a wall; I just can't do it anymore. I can't summon up the energy or inspiration or anything.

At this point in my career, as hard as I've worked, I ought to be somewhere, not stalled at a place 12 years in with nothing to show for it except a fancy resume I can't really use anywhere. I can't afford grad school, can't really afford to move and look somewhere else for an actual career-type job, and I simply don't know what to do to keep my spirits up and my "train on the track" these days. I've become lazy and uninspired, and that really sucks.

Comments

[veronica-rich.livejournal.com]

That sounds like Grandma the first few years after her stroke. She kept insisting she could live by herself, even after Grandpa went into the nursing home (after HE'D gotten sick and Mom had taken as much care of him as she could while working full-time). Mom humored her for a while, but she was working and going by the house 2-3 times a day (hell, I was going by once or twice a week to help clean house and such myself), and simply burned herself out. She did far longer than I would have, but then again, she's a better person than I am.