need ... inspiration ...

[veronica_rich]

This is totally not an emo post. I'm just missing my - inspiration, mojo, work ethic, whatever you want to call it. I have no desire to do much anymore, and it's driving me batty. I spent years working hard - good grades in high school and college, awards when I could, worked hard on my career (70 hours a week or more for little pay) out of college, got all kinds of awards there, too. Heck, when I lost my job five years ago, I took up temping and all kinds of part-time work just to stay afloat financially. I've lived on freelancing and legal work for the past several years. But I've hit a wall; I just can't do it anymore. I can't summon up the energy or inspiration or anything.

At this point in my career, as hard as I've worked, I ought to be somewhere, not stalled at a place 12 years in with nothing to show for it except a fancy resume I can't really use anywhere. I can't afford grad school, can't really afford to move and look somewhere else for an actual career-type job, and I simply don't know what to do to keep my spirits up and my "train on the track" these days. I've become lazy and uninspired, and that really sucks.

Comments

[a-silver-rose.livejournal.com]

I hear you on the anxiety. I've got a parent very likely coming from from hospice care next week, when said parent, in my opinion, is not physically able to handle being alone while the rest of us go to work in order to keep a roof over our heads. Which means a possibility that what little social life we have will be going down the tubes because we have to park our arses at home to make sure the parent does not get more injured than they are already. And that's in addition to not being able to afford health and dental insurance, a government that's more interested in legislating my morality than making sure citizens poorer than me earn enough to feed them and theirs, and the general suckiness of my life.

Which is why I write on the side. I'd rather get paid for it, but it's still my best way to escape right now. That, and the knowledge that what goes around comes around, so those srewing me over will get screwed over themselves. I just want to be there to witness it firsthand.

- Silver Rose

[veronica-rich.livejournal.com]

Wouldn't it be better for your mom to be in a nursing home, or assisted living (won't her income cover that)? I love her to death, but truly, you guys should have your own lives - you've all taken care of her daily for years now, as it is. And you aren't the types to stick her in a home and never visit her, so it's not like she'd be forgotten or neglected even if she's not at home.

[a-silver-rose.livejournal.com]

If there were a legal way to do it, and she truly can't be at home by herself, that is the best option. But she "thinks" she can do it. *sighs* She doesn't understand how much would be involved were she to come home in the state I believe her to be in. Either that, or she doesn't care.

- Silver Rose

[veronica-rich.livejournal.com]

That sounds like Grandma the first few years after her stroke. She kept insisting she could live by herself, even after Grandpa went into the nursing home (after HE'D gotten sick and Mom had taken as much care of him as she could while working full-time). Mom humored her for a while, but she was working and going by the house 2-3 times a day (hell, I was going by once or twice a week to help clean house and such myself), and simply burned herself out. She did far longer than I would have, but then again, she's a better person than I am.