Learning to tolerate

[veronica_rich]

philosophercat doesn't like the term "tolerance" as a term among people, because she's said it implies putting up with someone who is different rather than accepting them fully and simply disagreeing with them - and that humans are NOT different from one another, are not of different races or species, they only differ in thought processes.

Well, when it comes to thought processes at least - yeah, I have to use the word "tolerance" because I don't see any other way to define trying to get along with people with whom I have important philosophical differences. I'm sitting here on a Sunday trying to get some work done and I have the back door open for the cats to go in and out; a neighbor is playing their radio. Suddenly I hear the distinctive little musical cue of Rush Limbaugh's show - which I recognize because a co-worker plays it in their office all the time - and then his blowhard voice, and the world TOLERANCE pops into my mind. If you were sitting next to me, you'd probably see it in a neon glow thought bubble over my head.

Here's my situation: I'm 35 years old and I have always been something of a liberal, trapped in Red State Land wherever I live. The three states I've resided in have gotten progressively more conservative as I've moved along, and while it's annoying, there's a small part of me amused by the karmic bitch of constantly being forced to live among and play by the philosophy of people I fundamentally disgaree with about many things. (Whereas, I see myself more as a fly in their ointment than a genuine omnipresent annoyance - they clearly have the majority opinion around me and can simply laugh off anything I say ... whether they secretly agree or not.)

Well - why don't I just move to a more liberal area? Why, indeed. I suppose everybody else in the world can pick and choose where they take their career-advancing jobs. Maybe it's just me who has to scrounge slowly up the ladder through backwoods places.

But it's also a matter of that tolerance thing. Overall, I do like Midwesterners. And Southerners, who I lived among for years. (There's not really a "region" I don't like, I'm just more used to the customs of these two.) But for some reason, those people seem to foster an overall preference for conservatism and while I am conserative on matters of finance - mostly - it's the social liberalism that puts me out of whack with a lot of people I deal with on a daily basis. (Well, that and the fact that for some reason right now, "conservatives" are not the fiscally responsible people they once were - $500 million on an unjust and unnecessary war per month is NOT conservative by a long shot.)

My version of "tolerance" is not to discuss politics or religion overly with people I work with and have regular contact with. I simply don't bring it up; if it is brought up around me, I have no problem voicing my opinion, but since it's usually in the minority, I have to be careful how I do so and remain calm while defending it. Since I'm one of the few who represents that mindset to these people, I think I should at least pretend to be a reasonable human being so they're not immediately put off by what I have to say. (And boy, it's taken me FOREVER to get to this point - when I was younger, I blurted out whatever I felt and such conversations would often escalate into raised voices. Now I make my point and spend a lot of time listening to what the "opposition" says, if for no other reason than to turn their arguments over in my mind searching for holes to punch. It's not precisely ... fun, but as I get older I'm learning to get a certain "kick" out of playing the wise quiet person more often than not, who just looks like they'd have a problem with what you're saying, but isn't going to say so. Kind of like Mom.)

I wonder if they realize at all that I do control my responses, and if it makes any difference whatsoever.

And, of course, none of this has anything to do with my online persona. :-)

Comments

[philosophercat.livejournal.com]

Only real differences are cultural- and some evolutionary differences ;) We all have the same thought processes, but we come to different opinions. It's not hard-wired at all. With politics, I still maintain that one should talk not vent, but I can't live up to that ideal myself. I try, but it's too hard for me sometimes.

[veronica-rich.livejournal.com]

Talking works if both people are earnest about wanting to *talk*. I would rather someone raise their voice and yell at me, and show some reaction to the points where I'm disagreeing with them, if the alternative is that they're going to maintain a calm voice and facade and not listen to a word I'm saying. (Of course, ideally a calm voice and actually listening are the best combination ... but you know what I mean. I'd rather have interaction than politeness, if I have to choose.)