Interesting take on cheating

[veronica_rich]

Here, read this essay on the whole ridiculous media frenzy about Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson. Now you can guess I don't care about these two, but the writer makes some good points - specifically, about reaction to her cheating and how it's affected the married man's life (as in, not at all).

I'm one of those people who would probably dump someone for cheating on me, no second chances - you fuck around with someone else, you've fucked up with me. So I have a dim view of it in real life and I don't excuse it very often. I feel like it should be discouraged to boys and girls, though, and not treated like a woman's failing alone in such an affair. Stewart's lambasting in this reminds me a lot of the whole Brangelina thing - it seemed to me then that Jolie was fried in oil a LOT more than the married man she was fucking around with (or, more accurately, who was fucking around on his wife, and had the actual commitment). Just recently, look at Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher - he was the one caught out with someone else, but what people were going on about was how scary-skinny his wife looked ... as though that excused him?

On top of all that, for the sequel to the movie Stewart and the director made, he is the one who gets to stay and changes are being made to accommodate him - including putting the lead actress out on her ass. Now without turning this into a treatise on her work quality - because I don't watch her and I don't care - the point is, she was a big part of that movie's successful income. She's also half the director's age and has less experience in the industry - and was his employee, for all intents and purposes. Why is SHE out?

Anyway - just read. The writer is correct that this is something we ought to pay better attention to in just daily attitudes. Cheating is wrong - but it's wrong for both parties, and it's not solely on the woman to behave or whatever bullshit can be used to justify crucifying one party in an infidelity over the other (although I admit I tend to heap more blame on any married party in these, but that's just IMO).

Comments

[giselleslash.livejournal.com]

I couldn't agree with you more. I don't care either way about the people involved, however, it's ridiculous the amount of slut-shaming going on with all of this. And like you stated, the fact that the man is basically allowed to saunter off without a care in the world - and in fact be rewarded for it if you look at how he's able to stay on for the sequel despite his abuse of authority while filming the first one. The whole thing is ridiculous.

[veronica-rich.livejournal.com]

Amen.

[nobleplatypus]

Not that this excuses things, but I've heard that the 'real' reason she was dropped was simply that the original didn't make as much as they wanted it to, and given her hefty price tag, they couldn't really afford to rehire her for the sequel. That said, the fact that the affair is being used as an excuse/validation is fucking gross.

[veronica-rich.livejournal.com]

That, I might accept as an explanation if it's true - the numbers thing. But why make a sequel at all, then?

[nobleplatypus]

Because that's all Hollywood knows how to do anymore--remakes and sequels! ;) Honestly, though, I have no idea.

[finding-neo.livejournal.com]

There's always been a double standard about affairs. Men are clapped on the back and women are scorned. Doesn't matter who made the first move.

I don't know s*^+ about the whole real-life affair of those 2 Twilight actors together. Seemed a bit "concocted" though to help promote the films. It's my understanding that neither of them are considered even "good" actors. So this sort of thing keeps them in the press and the fan girls/boys crying and wailing and spending $$.

[veronica-rich.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I've heard it was concocted - I never cared one way or the other. I feel like Bayliss below, actually - why did we ever have to be told? It's not my business.

[bayliss.livejournal.com]

Huh? I missed this evidentaly.

I have no opinion on it since I think this is a matter to be handled by each party privately. Seriously, unless they were shagging in a public park some where the media and the public should stay out of it.

[veronica-rich.livejournal.com]

In a perfect world, THAT would be how it would have been handled and we never would have found out.

[fantasysci5.livejournal.com]

I completely agree with you, that both genders should be held equally responsible. I hate it when the male gets off scott free when the woman he cheated with isn't even cheating on anyone herself, if that makes any sense. That the wife being cheated on gets angry with the other woman, when the other woman didn't even know he was married. And instead of being mad at her husband, the woman is mad at the other woman! It's just like guys sleeping around is good, girls sleeping around is bad. Such disbalance.

[veronica-rich.livejournal.com]

Long, many years ago I dated someone that I found out long after we'd broken up that he'd been seeing someone else behind my back the last couple of months. I wasn't really upset with the other girl; I was pissed at the one person who had the obligation to be faithful to ME. If he didn't want to be faithful anymore, all he'd had to do was say "I no longer want to be engaged." Simple.

[day221b.livejournal.com]

That article. Yes.

[a-silver-rose.livejournal.com]

I'm of the theory that Stewart got blasted not because she cheated, but because she cheated on Robert Pattinson, one of the hottest male stars around. And, if this was done for publicity, then it backfired big time on her.

That aside, yes, the woman often seems to get blamed when stuff like this happens. Example: the infamous "wardrobe malfunction" with Janet Jackson and Justin Timberlake. she got dumped on, while he experienced a career boost. Nice bit on inequity there, isn't it?

[veronica-rich.livejournal.com]

Things still are too inequal and it's a major pain in the ass. *sigh*

[elibad.livejournal.com]

It's a good essay and I agree. The whole name-calling, slut-shaming business is gross and I hate the whole 'trampire' thing with fire of a really lot of fiery hot suns.

But some of the 'Leave Kristen Alone!' articles and comments that are being made are off-putting. Making excuses for what happen due to her youth or what ever is offensive, especially since she isn't making those excuses for herself. And if I read one more comment saying that What's-his-face is SOOOOO much worse than Kristen because he's married with children I am going to smack a bitch. This putting marriage on a pedestal as the only relationship that matters (especially if there is kids) is fucking offensive. Also they are both ass holes, period.

[veronica-rich.livejournal.com]

I don't have a strong feeling one way or the other about this relationship, as I said - celebrity lives aren't something I get into except for the barest essentials of, say, "oh, so and so had a kid or got married." But, I do judge the guy more in this one because he is a lot older and more experienced, was in a supervisory position, and gets to keep his job - and isn't being judged nearly as hard, it seems, as she is. THAT'S where my annoyance comes from - it's a reflection of things we can see with normal people in everyday life, too, people we know. (And, I wasn't trying to do a direct line-by-line comparison with the Pitt-Jolie thing. As far as I know, she was single at the time and he was not - Pitt was in a relationship so I did think worse of him. He was the one with an obligation to someone else not to dick around. But yeah, I do think if it's legal for you to get married - I'm well aware there are people who CANNOT and I'm not maligning their commitments at all, you know - and you choose to do that, you've taken a particular step that means you really shouldn't be dicking around. I'm sort of old-fashioned that way.)

[keechakatt.livejournal.com]

Cheating? hot topic for me. I have a relative that is in a cheating situation right now. frankly I think they're both being idiotic. he's married, she's not. he gets to have his cake, and eat it too. she stays at home on holidays, while he spent it with his family. this has been going on for over 7 years.


I love this relative, dearly. what I don't understand, is what she's getting out of it. it's her business. however if it were me, I wouldn't put up with it. I don't think I would be so objectionable, if he would man up and get a divorce.

when I became upset about this, is when she asked me why people were so possessive that their spouses were "mine." I stated, that when I got married I had a reasonable expectation to expect that my spouse would be faithful and that he was mine. if they no longer wanted a relationship, I would hope they would have the decency to at least let me know how they felt before I discovered it accidentally. men should not get a free ride while the woman gets scorn for her infidelity. I think if whoever started it should take the blame, and they should both take the blame. if my husband ever did that to me not only would I be mad at him I would be mad at her as well. if I found out about it accidentally, I would tell him to GTFO. if she knew he was married, I would address her as a low life a-hole, also. I would expect the same treatment, if I did that.

what my relative, doesn't realize is once a cheater, always a cheater. he could be cheating on her right now. this is a hot button for me on several levels that I really can't get into right now. suffice it to say she accuse my deceased father of cheating when she doesn't have any facts to support it. nice, accusing a dead man who can't defend himself. that made me very angry more than you'll ever know. she's accused other relatives of cheating as well, some of them have, some of them haven't. I do think it's a bit ridiculous to use this a defense for her own inexcusable actions.

she has to live her own life. I can't live it for her. it just pains me, sometimes, to see this farce continue. he actually, started telling people he was related to me. I had to clear that up in a hurry.

On a whole, he is a nice guy. I just wish he would grow up and do something instead of being the immature man with his cake and eat it too. I also wish she could see that she deserves better than this.

my apologies for lack of caps. I'm using voice text tonight. my fingers hurt, and it would take me a long time to type this out manually. do you know how to use voice text, so that it will automatically start caps with a new sentence?

[veronica-rich.livejournal.com]

I don't know anything about voice posting, so I can't help there - sorry!

I have my own personal-observation issues with cheating, particularly as it relates to which gender seems to get the least flak for it, so I won't go into all that. But while you can't control your relative's life, I agree it's got to be tough to watch.