RD fic: "Therapy" - 2/9
Jul. 29th, 2011 11:55 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
veronica_rich(Continuation of a Red Dwarf fic - description, disclaimer, and Part 1 is back here.
On with the show!
The Troi-7 blinked steadily as Rimmer faced it from where he sat in a stiff-backed metal chair. He was trying, really trying, not to glare, but it wasn’t easy. “I don’t love the stinking smegger,” he argued with absolute truth and conviction.
“I believe you-” what remained of the android’s shell began.
“Finally! It IS possible for you to see reason.”
“I believe you genuinely believe you don’t care for Mr. David,” the 6000 repeated calmly. “I am trained to look beyond words and surface emotions, though. You are definitely amorously inclined toward ‘the stinking smegger,’ sir.”
All the politeness in the world was not going to keep the metal goit from ending up in the airlock refuse, Rimmer determined, tapping his fingertips against his other upper arm where he grasped it. “Perhaps you’re misinterpreting emotional signals,” he pointed out, trying reason instead of more yelling; that clearly hadn’t done any good. “Lister does arouse strong emotion in me on regular occasions, but I assure you it’s not directed at his bloody tadger.”
“Do you consider yourself a heterosexual, Mr. Arnold?”
He fidgeted and rubbed his nose; this was not a hard question. “Course I am,” he muttered. “What’s that got to do with anything? Even if, on the very, very small chance, I wasn’t, miladdio, having a preference for the coarser sex doesn’t mean I’d shag any Tom’s hairy dick that happened along!”
“If you saw a group of women and one caught your attention, would you need to examine between her legs to finalize your interest?”
“Come again?”
“Would you be trying to see if she had an attractive vagina?”
Rimmer burst out laughing, snorting really. “Of all the- Well, no, not at first,” he conceded. “I mean, it’s not as though I have a list of what it should-” He shut up. Because, of course, he probably did, if he ever put his mind to giving the matter enough concentrated thought.
“Then I do not understand what Mr. David’s reproductive organ has to do with attraction you may feel toward him.”
“It was a figure of speech.” Rimmer pinched the bridge of his nose, feeling a headache laying in supplies behind it. “You were suggesting I love him, which would presumably entail sex at some point.”
“And you would be opposed to that?”
“You’re jolly right I’m opposed to it!” Rimmer exploded. “For one, he’s got hygiene more questionable than one of Double-Oh-Seven’s IDs! He’s also short; I like my women tall. And female,” he hastily added.” He ticked off on his fingers. “He’s an unambitious, slovenly, hippie-go-lucky wreck of physical fitness … rodent-cheeked, whistling, bloody cheerful, optimistic, stupidly devoted to that Kochanski harlot, smegging fixated, takes stupid, dangerous chances in pointless situations … he’s a damn …” He waved the hand around on which he’d counted through twice, running out of adjectives. “And he has those dumb puppy eyes! Wet and brown and huge – he damn well stares at you and won’t leave you alone.”
The 6000’s light blinked through this before it spoke with absolute sincerity. “The passion you exhibited just now is inextricably linked with the amorous intent you feel toward the person about whom you’re speaking.”
Rimmer buried his face in his hands and sighed. Clearly, putting forth a good, logical argument wasn’t going to work with this corrupted brain-bot any more than emotional arm-waving and voice-raising. “I do not want to spend time of a horizontal nature with Dave Lister,” he enunciated wearily. “I’m also fairly certain he harbors similar sentiments concerning me.”
“I believe you are still referring to sexual congress,” the 6000 smoothly replied. “That does not constantly nor necessarily connote with amorous feelings. You do understand you do not have to engage in carnal activity to love another human, correct? Nor have those feelings reciprocated in order for them to exist?”
“Oh, great.” Rimmer pulled his hands away from his face. “Now you’re calling me some unrequited Moping Mary who can’t even pick the right person to fall in love with.”
“I do apologize. I thought the point might make you feel much better.”
“Well, it doesn’t,” he answered, cranky. “Not that I felt bad, mind. I don’t want anything from that git, let alone touchy-gropey girl-feelings for him.”
As Rimmer had said nothing to contradict the 6000, it remained silent. Humans, it had been programmed to recognize, could want to not have feelings all they liked; it was expected, and they were valid wishes.
On to part 3
On with the show!
The Troi-7 blinked steadily as Rimmer faced it from where he sat in a stiff-backed metal chair. He was trying, really trying, not to glare, but it wasn’t easy. “I don’t love the stinking smegger,” he argued with absolute truth and conviction.
“I believe you-” what remained of the android’s shell began.
“Finally! It IS possible for you to see reason.”
“I believe you genuinely believe you don’t care for Mr. David,” the 6000 repeated calmly. “I am trained to look beyond words and surface emotions, though. You are definitely amorously inclined toward ‘the stinking smegger,’ sir.”
All the politeness in the world was not going to keep the metal goit from ending up in the airlock refuse, Rimmer determined, tapping his fingertips against his other upper arm where he grasped it. “Perhaps you’re misinterpreting emotional signals,” he pointed out, trying reason instead of more yelling; that clearly hadn’t done any good. “Lister does arouse strong emotion in me on regular occasions, but I assure you it’s not directed at his bloody tadger.”
“Do you consider yourself a heterosexual, Mr. Arnold?”
He fidgeted and rubbed his nose; this was not a hard question. “Course I am,” he muttered. “What’s that got to do with anything? Even if, on the very, very small chance, I wasn’t, miladdio, having a preference for the coarser sex doesn’t mean I’d shag any Tom’s hairy dick that happened along!”
“If you saw a group of women and one caught your attention, would you need to examine between her legs to finalize your interest?”
“Come again?”
“Would you be trying to see if she had an attractive vagina?”
Rimmer burst out laughing, snorting really. “Of all the- Well, no, not at first,” he conceded. “I mean, it’s not as though I have a list of what it should-” He shut up. Because, of course, he probably did, if he ever put his mind to giving the matter enough concentrated thought.
“Then I do not understand what Mr. David’s reproductive organ has to do with attraction you may feel toward him.”
“It was a figure of speech.” Rimmer pinched the bridge of his nose, feeling a headache laying in supplies behind it. “You were suggesting I love him, which would presumably entail sex at some point.”
“And you would be opposed to that?”
“You’re jolly right I’m opposed to it!” Rimmer exploded. “For one, he’s got hygiene more questionable than one of Double-Oh-Seven’s IDs! He’s also short; I like my women tall. And female,” he hastily added.” He ticked off on his fingers. “He’s an unambitious, slovenly, hippie-go-lucky wreck of physical fitness … rodent-cheeked, whistling, bloody cheerful, optimistic, stupidly devoted to that Kochanski harlot, smegging fixated, takes stupid, dangerous chances in pointless situations … he’s a damn …” He waved the hand around on which he’d counted through twice, running out of adjectives. “And he has those dumb puppy eyes! Wet and brown and huge – he damn well stares at you and won’t leave you alone.”
The 6000’s light blinked through this before it spoke with absolute sincerity. “The passion you exhibited just now is inextricably linked with the amorous intent you feel toward the person about whom you’re speaking.”
Rimmer buried his face in his hands and sighed. Clearly, putting forth a good, logical argument wasn’t going to work with this corrupted brain-bot any more than emotional arm-waving and voice-raising. “I do not want to spend time of a horizontal nature with Dave Lister,” he enunciated wearily. “I’m also fairly certain he harbors similar sentiments concerning me.”
“I believe you are still referring to sexual congress,” the 6000 smoothly replied. “That does not constantly nor necessarily connote with amorous feelings. You do understand you do not have to engage in carnal activity to love another human, correct? Nor have those feelings reciprocated in order for them to exist?”
“Oh, great.” Rimmer pulled his hands away from his face. “Now you’re calling me some unrequited Moping Mary who can’t even pick the right person to fall in love with.”
“I do apologize. I thought the point might make you feel much better.”
“Well, it doesn’t,” he answered, cranky. “Not that I felt bad, mind. I don’t want anything from that git, let alone touchy-gropey girl-feelings for him.”
As Rimmer had said nothing to contradict the 6000, it remained silent. Humans, it had been programmed to recognize, could want to not have feelings all they liked; it was expected, and they were valid wishes.
On to part 3
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2011-07-29 09:18 pm (UTC)This is so Rimmer, ticking off all the things that annoy him about Lister, completely oblivious to the thin line between love and hate, spluttering with indignation at the mere idea that he might not be 100% straight... :D
no subject
Date: 2011-08-01 08:30 pm (UTC)Glad you're liking!
no subject
Date: 2011-08-08 05:09 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-08-10 06:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-08-11 02:28 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-08-12 05:39 pm (UTC)I have a feeling you might be interested in the above community. :)
no subject
Date: 2011-07-30 02:29 am (UTC)And the psych bot's got a point. Multiple salient points really.
That's why I love psychiatry; it really does throw people for such a loop, and they'll usually deny any conclusions entirely, but there's practically always a bit of truth somewhere in there.
That's why I only ever lie, by telling the truth; Just don't tell all the truth, and let them fill in the silences for themselves. Best, and most believable, all around, really.no subject
Date: 2011-08-01 07:56 pm (UTC)And me not even a therapist! Just one psych class in college, hundreds of moons ago. Thanks! :-)
no subject
Date: 2011-07-30 12:21 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-08-01 08:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-07-31 01:10 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-08-01 08:30 pm (UTC)Thank you!
no subject
Date: 2011-08-01 06:39 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-08-01 08:29 pm (UTC)