Fanfic crossover repost

In late 2007, I wrote a cracky crossover between TNG and "Pirates of the Caribbean" - indulge me while I repost in light of all the new Trek love now floating around.

Title: "Motley Crew"
Fandoms: Star Trek: TNG & POTC
Rating: PG for implied ideas
Disclaimer: These are owned by Buena Vista, Bruckheimer Productions, and Paramount, as well as their own actors.
Summary: A brief unbetaed crossover between POTC and "Star Trek: The Next Generation" to fulfill two separate writing requests I received a couple of weeks ago from a_silver_rose ("Data becomes fascinated by pirate lore") and backinblack ("DATA/WESLEY. OH YEAH I WENT THERE"). Read at your own risk.

Captain Barbossa does not apologize ...

If you were a space alien ...

And your only exposure to the human species were having to read fandomsecrets, these would be your lessons:

1. "Earth" is comprised of the USA and western Europe. Any other country is merely part of an elaborate RPG, frozen in time right around 1943.

2. All white people are privileged. All people of color are frustrated.
2a. Never the twain shall meet.

3. "Fapping" is second in Earthly activity only to "shipping." Hitting actors hard is also a popular pastime.

4. If you like fictional male/male relationships, you hate women and little girls. You may also eat fluffy puppies for breakfast.

5. If you like fictional female/female relationships, you're awesome.
5a. Unless you're male, in which case you're just fapping.

6. English is the dominant language, but there are approximately 18 million dialects, rendering anything anyone writes largely incomprehensible to most other readers.

7. There are two accepted default responses to anything anyone says: worshipful agreement or instant anger and offense.

(If you haven't tried it yet, F!S is great nondenominational fannish entertainment. I highly recommend reading it as a stressbuster.)