![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Me and wank
Jan. 31st, 2008 12:29 amIn my 16 years of various fandoms, I have very occasionally found myself embroiled in some sort of drama-llama wankfest - admittedly, not nearly as often as has happened on LJ in the past year and a half or thereabouts, but it's happened. And after a couple in a row, it's easy to look at yourself and wonder I'm the common factor - am I doing something wrong?
So I thought of the things I've stepped in the middle of, either purposely or because I happened to be a moderator at the time, or some such, and I do see a common thread. But it's never a fight I've started (although I have finished a few). My first kerfluffle was back in another long-ago fandom about an actor - some of those other fans are with me here on LJ, still - and we had someone join the list who stalked the guy. And told us ALL about it, as well as her sweaty fantasies when she would go home at night and think about seeing him as she went past his house all the time. (Ewww.) And when a bunch of us finally decided we didn't want to be affiliated with someone like that just in case the actor's people saw our mailing list (this was back in the days when it was possible that actually happened), and it was clear she was never going to take our gentle hints to Just LEAVE Already, and some people tried nicely to tell her to take a hike, she came out swinging at the people who first asked her. I got involved at that point and threw in my own colorful commentary.
Another time was on the same list, about a year or two later, with two women who claimed to know the actor and were supposedly having an affair with him, and if any of us questioned it, they would e-mail us off-list with nastygrams. Most people deleted theirs; I posted mine for the entire list to see, and proceeded to inform these ladies that I had FBI connections (I kind of did) and could easily have them looked up if they threatened me again. (You have to understand the kinds of e-mails they sent - and I used my real name in that fandom. They were "we can find you and we know where you are and we can tell your employer the kind of writing you do, and we can report you to the police for harassment, blah blah.")
So, my friends, I know REAL wank. This LJ stuff is pente-ante crap. But one thing they do have in common is that once a bully or wanker wanders in and starts trying to purposely create trouble, if they get enough of a foothold, it's very hard to reestablish the good mood once they're gone.
I get involved in wank when I am in what is supposed to be a Happy Fun No Stress Place and I see fellow fans or friends being bitched at, talked down to, made fun of, or otherwise given a harder time than should be allowed in a Happy Fun No Stress Place, that is definitely not of the "just kidding!" flavor. I get pissed off. And then I get kicked for saying something, and then I'm like "Oh bitch please, you did NOT just say that" and it's on for me.
Overreaction? Sometimes. But I've seen more than one fannish endeavor go from Very Fun to Quiet and Abandoned because of a handful of bullies, and I can at least know if someone tries to take things over, they'll have to limp away as bloody and lose as much as we did.
And for once, no, this isn't specifically about POTC fandom. I'm dealing with something else at the moment that made me think back over the last many years.
So I thought of the things I've stepped in the middle of, either purposely or because I happened to be a moderator at the time, or some such, and I do see a common thread. But it's never a fight I've started (although I have finished a few). My first kerfluffle was back in another long-ago fandom about an actor - some of those other fans are with me here on LJ, still - and we had someone join the list who stalked the guy. And told us ALL about it, as well as her sweaty fantasies when she would go home at night and think about seeing him as she went past his house all the time. (Ewww.) And when a bunch of us finally decided we didn't want to be affiliated with someone like that just in case the actor's people saw our mailing list (this was back in the days when it was possible that actually happened), and it was clear she was never going to take our gentle hints to Just LEAVE Already, and some people tried nicely to tell her to take a hike, she came out swinging at the people who first asked her. I got involved at that point and threw in my own colorful commentary.
Another time was on the same list, about a year or two later, with two women who claimed to know the actor and were supposedly having an affair with him, and if any of us questioned it, they would e-mail us off-list with nastygrams. Most people deleted theirs; I posted mine for the entire list to see, and proceeded to inform these ladies that I had FBI connections (I kind of did) and could easily have them looked up if they threatened me again. (You have to understand the kinds of e-mails they sent - and I used my real name in that fandom. They were "we can find you and we know where you are and we can tell your employer the kind of writing you do, and we can report you to the police for harassment, blah blah.")
So, my friends, I know REAL wank. This LJ stuff is pente-ante crap. But one thing they do have in common is that once a bully or wanker wanders in and starts trying to purposely create trouble, if they get enough of a foothold, it's very hard to reestablish the good mood once they're gone.
I get involved in wank when I am in what is supposed to be a Happy Fun No Stress Place and I see fellow fans or friends being bitched at, talked down to, made fun of, or otherwise given a harder time than should be allowed in a Happy Fun No Stress Place, that is definitely not of the "just kidding!" flavor. I get pissed off. And then I get kicked for saying something, and then I'm like "Oh bitch please, you did NOT just say that" and it's on for me.
Overreaction? Sometimes. But I've seen more than one fannish endeavor go from Very Fun to Quiet and Abandoned because of a handful of bullies, and I can at least know if someone tries to take things over, they'll have to limp away as bloody and lose as much as we did.
And for once, no, this isn't specifically about POTC fandom. I'm dealing with something else at the moment that made me think back over the last many years.
