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veronica_richJackie pinched the bridge of her nose as the nighttime temperature began dropping more. She'd been sitting in the rental station wagon for the better part of five hours, by turns exhausted and exasperated as she waited on Peg to show up. She'd started by putting up a tent and camp chair on the small patch of grass between the corporate fence and the highway - her legal trespass - but when dusk came, she had to move inside the car and leave her picket sign propped against the chair. Mid-December was no time to practice outdoor civil disobedience, but nobody had told her.
It was another hour, getting into nighttime, when Peg's old Toyota buzzed in along the shoulder behind the station wagon. Nearly napping, Jackie jerked awake in time to see the headlights being cut, and sighed - Peg wasn't supposed to bring her actual car in case something happened. Then again, getting Peg to do any of this had been like trying to teach monkeys to type Shakespeare sooner rather than waiting for it happen. Oh well; finally, a fire, Jackie thought, anticipating the glow of heat from the small portable brazier she'd secured. She stepped out of her car.
She was just in time to be knocked into by something waist-high and moving fast. "Oof," was all she could say, reflexively grabbing at it. The child yanked away, but she curled her fingers into the sleeves of its coat. "Who are-" She looked up to see Peg coming along behind the unknown rugrat, beaming. "We're here for a protest, not a babysitting," Jackie snapped.
"You're the one who wanted him," Peg countered, her grin slipping a little.
"I did?" Jackie didn't even particularly want the two she'd raised to college age, some days. "No I didn't."
"No, you sent the text." Peg pulled her cell phone out and did a little tapping and scrolling, then showed the screen to Jackie. "I gotta say, I never heard that word, but I figured you must've done it in case the cops or Feds got hold of-"
"The FEDS?" Not for the first time in their ten-year acquaintance, Jackie wondered what her reactionary sister-in-law had done. "Whose child is this?" She looked down at the kid, whose arms she was still gripping; the boy didn't look particularly scared. Annoying, yes; he had that Bieber haircut she'd come to associate with privileged brats. "What does any of this have to do with wood?"
"Wood?" It was Peg's turn to screw up her face in puzzlement. "You said 'Bring kidling.' Right there." She tapped the phone screen emphatically.
Jackie squinted at it, wishing for her reading glasses. She studied the word, making sure it wasn't missing anything, and set her jaw as she stared at the supposedly grown woman in front of her. "It does not say 'kidling,'" she ground out. "It says 'kindling.' 'Bring KINDLING.' WOOD, you idiot."
"What would you need wood for?" Oh, like Jackie was the irrational one.
"A FIRE? It's almost winter; hello!" She threw a nod back toward the tent and brazier. "To keep from freezing?" She regarded the kid, then Peg. "What would I need a KID for out here?"
"Um, ransom? Leverage?" Jackie blinked. "We're protesting an insurance company to get them to okay surgery for Clyde's mama - I thought you were wanting to force them into a deal!"
"How would I force them to do anything?" Then an icy realization trickled across her shoulders, and she groaned. "Aw, Jesus, Peg, who the hell's kid IS this?"
Obviously proud of her reasoning skills, Peg smiled as he boy finally twisted as though to get away. Jackie tightened her grip; they were near a highway in the near-dark, for one, and - well, she just needed to hold on to him. "Bob Gordon's!" Off Jackie's blank expression, she added, "The CEO of Magenta? The insurance company?"
The noise Jackie made went on for hours, it felt like, and descended somewhere near the bowels and pelvis region, not pleasantly. "Fu- me," she finished, cutting off the middle. "HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET 'KID' OUT OF ME ASKING YOU TO BRING WOOD IN DECEMBER SO WE WOULDN'T FREEZE?" she exploded.
"WELL I WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO BRING THE WOOD EITHER, WOULD I?" Peg snapped. "We're across the state line, and you're not supposed to take firewood from one into another. Ohio has an emerald ash borer ban in place!"
Jackie's eyes bulged as she tried to laser ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME into the forehead of her brother's poor choice of a wife. "So ... So you won't illegally transport wood across state lines, but you'll abduct a child and bring him- Ohhhhh my lord." Child abduction, state lines, Amber alert, FBI all went through her head. "I'm going to be some angry woman's cell wife," Jackie muttered, thinking of her partner, Sarah, having to duke it out for her "American Gladiator"-style on visitation days with someone nicknamed Mama Warden or The Jacket, or some such. "Look - we have to get him back home tonight," she told Peg, urgently. "Put him back in your car, stay in there locked with him, and I'll pick up all this real quick."
The boy, clearly having picked up on her distress and the cause, began squirming and sing-songing, "You're going to ja-il/I know what your names a-re," over and over.
"You told him our names?" Jackie nearly wailed.
"Had to pass the time somehow. It's a two-hour drive," Peg answered, rolling her eyes.
*****
Jackie reflected at noon the following day, when she was back home in bed at last with the covers pulled over her head, that probably the only thing Peg had ever done with any intelligence was to give the eight-year-old fake names. That, and feeding him a bag of Hershey's Miniatures on the drive so that he wore himself out by 8 p.m. and they could sneak him into the insurance office building (wearing gloves) to leave sleeping on a desk.
Still, she had a good mind to take the Christmas gift she'd gotten for Peg back to the store for a refund. "Or turn it into KINDLING," she mumbled into her pillow, yelling the last bit.
(This weirdness is for LJ Idol's prompt this week of kindling.)
It was another hour, getting into nighttime, when Peg's old Toyota buzzed in along the shoulder behind the station wagon. Nearly napping, Jackie jerked awake in time to see the headlights being cut, and sighed - Peg wasn't supposed to bring her actual car in case something happened. Then again, getting Peg to do any of this had been like trying to teach monkeys to type Shakespeare sooner rather than waiting for it happen. Oh well; finally, a fire, Jackie thought, anticipating the glow of heat from the small portable brazier she'd secured. She stepped out of her car.
She was just in time to be knocked into by something waist-high and moving fast. "Oof," was all she could say, reflexively grabbing at it. The child yanked away, but she curled her fingers into the sleeves of its coat. "Who are-" She looked up to see Peg coming along behind the unknown rugrat, beaming. "We're here for a protest, not a babysitting," Jackie snapped.
"You're the one who wanted him," Peg countered, her grin slipping a little.
"I did?" Jackie didn't even particularly want the two she'd raised to college age, some days. "No I didn't."
"No, you sent the text." Peg pulled her cell phone out and did a little tapping and scrolling, then showed the screen to Jackie. "I gotta say, I never heard that word, but I figured you must've done it in case the cops or Feds got hold of-"
"The FEDS?" Not for the first time in their ten-year acquaintance, Jackie wondered what her reactionary sister-in-law had done. "Whose child is this?" She looked down at the kid, whose arms she was still gripping; the boy didn't look particularly scared. Annoying, yes; he had that Bieber haircut she'd come to associate with privileged brats. "What does any of this have to do with wood?"
"Wood?" It was Peg's turn to screw up her face in puzzlement. "You said 'Bring kidling.' Right there." She tapped the phone screen emphatically.
Jackie squinted at it, wishing for her reading glasses. She studied the word, making sure it wasn't missing anything, and set her jaw as she stared at the supposedly grown woman in front of her. "It does not say 'kidling,'" she ground out. "It says 'kindling.' 'Bring KINDLING.' WOOD, you idiot."
"What would you need wood for?" Oh, like Jackie was the irrational one.
"A FIRE? It's almost winter; hello!" She threw a nod back toward the tent and brazier. "To keep from freezing?" She regarded the kid, then Peg. "What would I need a KID for out here?"
"Um, ransom? Leverage?" Jackie blinked. "We're protesting an insurance company to get them to okay surgery for Clyde's mama - I thought you were wanting to force them into a deal!"
"How would I force them to do anything?" Then an icy realization trickled across her shoulders, and she groaned. "Aw, Jesus, Peg, who the hell's kid IS this?"
Obviously proud of her reasoning skills, Peg smiled as he boy finally twisted as though to get away. Jackie tightened her grip; they were near a highway in the near-dark, for one, and - well, she just needed to hold on to him. "Bob Gordon's!" Off Jackie's blank expression, she added, "The CEO of Magenta? The insurance company?"
The noise Jackie made went on for hours, it felt like, and descended somewhere near the bowels and pelvis region, not pleasantly. "Fu- me," she finished, cutting off the middle. "HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET 'KID' OUT OF ME ASKING YOU TO BRING WOOD IN DECEMBER SO WE WOULDN'T FREEZE?" she exploded.
"WELL I WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO BRING THE WOOD EITHER, WOULD I?" Peg snapped. "We're across the state line, and you're not supposed to take firewood from one into another. Ohio has an emerald ash borer ban in place!"
Jackie's eyes bulged as she tried to laser ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME into the forehead of her brother's poor choice of a wife. "So ... So you won't illegally transport wood across state lines, but you'll abduct a child and bring him- Ohhhhh my lord." Child abduction, state lines, Amber alert, FBI all went through her head. "I'm going to be some angry woman's cell wife," Jackie muttered, thinking of her partner, Sarah, having to duke it out for her "American Gladiator"-style on visitation days with someone nicknamed Mama Warden or The Jacket, or some such. "Look - we have to get him back home tonight," she told Peg, urgently. "Put him back in your car, stay in there locked with him, and I'll pick up all this real quick."
The boy, clearly having picked up on her distress and the cause, began squirming and sing-songing, "You're going to ja-il/I know what your names a-re," over and over.
"You told him our names?" Jackie nearly wailed.
"Had to pass the time somehow. It's a two-hour drive," Peg answered, rolling her eyes.
*****
Jackie reflected at noon the following day, when she was back home in bed at last with the covers pulled over her head, that probably the only thing Peg had ever done with any intelligence was to give the eight-year-old fake names. That, and feeding him a bag of Hershey's Miniatures on the drive so that he wore himself out by 8 p.m. and they could sneak him into the insurance office building (wearing gloves) to leave sleeping on a desk.
Still, she had a good mind to take the Christmas gift she'd gotten for Peg back to the store for a refund. "Or turn it into KINDLING," she mumbled into her pillow, yelling the last bit.
(This weirdness is for LJ Idol's prompt this week of kindling.)
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Date: 2014-08-27 07:37 pm (UTC)Where does that level of stupid COME from? :O
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