Learning to tolerate

[veronica_rich]

philosophercat doesn't like the term "tolerance" as a term among people, because she's said it implies putting up with someone who is different rather than accepting them fully and simply disagreeing with them - and that humans are NOT different from one another, are not of different races or species, they only differ in thought processes.

Well, when it comes to thought processes at least - yeah, I have to use the word "tolerance" because I don't see any other way to define trying to get along with people with whom I have important philosophical differences. I'm sitting here on a Sunday trying to get some work done and I have the back door open for the cats to go in and out; a neighbor is playing their radio. Suddenly I hear the distinctive little musical cue of Rush Limbaugh's show - which I recognize because a co-worker plays it in their office all the time - and then his blowhard voice, and the world TOLERANCE pops into my mind. If you were sitting next to me, you'd probably see it in a neon glow thought bubble over my head.

Here's my situation: I'm 35 years old and I have always been something of a liberal, trapped in Red State Land wherever I live. The three states I've resided in have gotten progressively more conservative as I've moved along, and while it's annoying, there's a small part of me amused by the karmic bitch of constantly being forced to live among and play by the philosophy of people I fundamentally disgaree with about many things. (Whereas, I see myself more as a fly in their ointment than a genuine omnipresent annoyance - they clearly have the majority opinion around me and can simply laugh off anything I say ... whether they secretly agree or not.)

Well - why don't I just move to a more liberal area? Why, indeed. I suppose everybody else in the world can pick and choose where they take their career-advancing jobs. Maybe it's just me who has to scrounge slowly up the ladder through backwoods places.

But it's also a matter of that tolerance thing. Overall, I do like Midwesterners. And Southerners, who I lived among for years. (There's not really a "region" I don't like, I'm just more used to the customs of these two.) But for some reason, those people seem to foster an overall preference for conservatism and while I am conserative on matters of finance - mostly - it's the social liberalism that puts me out of whack with a lot of people I deal with on a daily basis. (Well, that and the fact that for some reason right now, "conservatives" are not the fiscally responsible people they once were - $500 million on an unjust and unnecessary war per month is NOT conservative by a long shot.)

My version of "tolerance" is not to discuss politics or religion overly with people I work with and have regular contact with. I simply don't bring it up; if it is brought up around me, I have no problem voicing my opinion, but since it's usually in the minority, I have to be careful how I do so and remain calm while defending it. Since I'm one of the few who represents that mindset to these people, I think I should at least pretend to be a reasonable human being so they're not immediately put off by what I have to say. (And boy, it's taken me FOREVER to get to this point - when I was younger, I blurted out whatever I felt and such conversations would often escalate into raised voices. Now I make my point and spend a lot of time listening to what the "opposition" says, if for no other reason than to turn their arguments over in my mind searching for holes to punch. It's not precisely ... fun, but as I get older I'm learning to get a certain "kick" out of playing the wise quiet person more often than not, who just looks like they'd have a problem with what you're saying, but isn't going to say so. Kind of like Mom.)

I wonder if they realize at all that I do control my responses, and if it makes any difference whatsoever.

And, of course, none of this has anything to do with my online persona. :-)

Comments

[veronica-rich.livejournal.com]

From what I've found, people are more receptive to my views if I'm politely receptive to theirs.

And I do that to a point - a long point, actually, both in real life and online. I'll actually put up with a lot that I don't agree with, vis a vis opinions. But once somebody or somebodies has pushed me enough times over that line, there's a good chance I'll never take anything they say seriously or with much respect ever again. (And I rarely hide my irritation when I'm that pissed off, so people generally have the opportunity to back the rewind and start over before I get to the aforementioned extreme point.) Which isn't a good character trait, necessarily - it's just me.

[caniad.livejournal.com]

I can't argue with that. Some people do push too far by insisting on their views, and I'd be willing to tell someone to stop. Of course, there's nothing wrong with a strong personality either. I have a pretty non-confrontational personality (my aunt and I are similar in this: neither of us can bear to watch any sort of argument, and we've both been known to leave the room at awkward moments in movies or tv shows). But I'm glad for people who are stronger than I am, because I know, quite frankly, that I don't have what it takes to get into a confrontation. I'm glad for those who step in and take up the battle. It takes all kinds, I guess.

[veronica-rich.livejournal.com]

Believe it or not, "confrontation-ready" is not my default personality trait, which probably explains why I'm so bad when I do it. I was a pretty peaceful child and teenager, but I was pushed around rather more than I enjoyed, and figured out the only way to avoid it, eventually, was to make sure people knew I wouldn't abide it. Now while I'm still not completely comfortable with confrontation, I don't *mind* it nearly as much as I used to because I know it's the only language some people respond to.