A letter to Bristol Palin

Dear Bris:

Okay, I know Lifetime is shit TV, but I like Will & Grace reruns. But it also means I'm subjected to promos for your new reality show. I mostly ignore them because, after all, whatever. Enjoy your 15 minutes. I don't run cable.

But tonight's promo was more than my bullshit meter could handle. Whose idea was that Fosse-esque running dance around a spotlight on a dark set, throwing up your hands and dodging it, while you whine in a voiceover how hard your life has been since you were seventeen? I'm pretty sure it wasn't intended to make me burst out laughing - but good show.

Listen, kid, here's how it is: Your teenage problems with the public eye were a combination of your mother's fault for dragging you around to boost her image, and a moron press corps that should've treated you as off-limits while you were still a kid - a stupid kid, but hey, kids should get to be stupid. It's a perk of childhood. Even Obama criticized the press to leave you alone then. I'm sure it sucked, and I pitied you then. But you're an adult now, and if you want to do the famewhore thing, you've gotta take the lumps that come with it, with less whining and more guff. Quit bitching that being a Palin comes with all this unfair scrutiny - that's all your mother's doing, William Kristol's, and the Kochs.

After all, you seem content enough to be right there in the middle of it - it's easier than doing a real job, right? Your mom figured that out years ago. And you're well paid for your exposure. This is your choice, kid; enjoy it!

-Ver

definitely NOT the greatest generation

This falls in the category of 'Oh dear Dog, how stupid ARE you?'

There are two things in here that stand out as annoying and offensive to me:

1. When I was a kid and hadn't heard of something, I had to go look it up in a book or ask a teacher or my parents (or grandparents, whatever). We didn't have the Internet; hell, I was lucky I had an Atari 2600 and Pitfall for it. The point is, there was no ten-second point-and-click research. BUT REGARDLESS, THERE ARE THINGS YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE TO LOOK UP OR ASK ABOUT IF YOU'RE OLDER THAN, OH, NINE. "Was the Titanic real?" Are YOU for real? I knew about the Titanic literally decades before James Cameron told us about it.

I don't think I'm being culturally privileged; you people literally have the easiest research tool in the history of ever. The only way you could find things easier is if Servo the Robot could read your mind and download information directly into your brain as soon as you wonder something. If you have the privilege of access to Twitter, you probably have the privilege of Internet access, too. So don't give me that.

2. No, don't go "wikipedia" something. Use a real source. Take a few minutes to verify it by crosschecking. Wikipedia is good for killing time or bullshit, or finding external links to real sources. Period.

hide!

Aw, geez! Johnny Depp is officially single again!

If you belong to any Depp-related fandoms, HIDE! The rabid self-insert fangirls who were barely held together with spit and baling twine when he wasn't available are going to be unbearable now.

/looks for a low desk to get under