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deal with the fat
Sep. 14th, 2010 03:22 pmThis was going to be an angry post about the fact that fat people are one of the very last groups it's still safe to make fun of without reprisal from society at large, but there are two problems with that. First, they're not - it's still OK to pick on homosexuals in our society, if not overtly, at least through laws designed to make anything a straight person would do, harder for being gay; the same applies to varying degrees with women, Arab-Americans, and some other groups.
Second - the anger may be, in part, misplaced. People tend to heap scorn on what scares them, for various reasons. Perhaps those who make fun of fat people are fat and scornful of themselves for it, or they're NOT fat and scared of ever becoming that way. I don't know. All I know is it's OK to openly make fun of a fat person in a way it's not kosher to make fun of a lot of other people for what they happen to look like. If you don't believe me, I refer you to my old friend, FandomSecrets - specifically, this secret someone posted yesterday (which doesn't surprise me; after all, it's just one person's opinion) and then all the assholes who think they're somehow entitled to get only skinny, well-monied friends when going away for a weekend to a convention or meet-up. (For the record: In the 18 years I've been going to conventions and meet-ups to meet other fans I don't yet know, I've had problems with exactly TWO people, and I'm pretty sure it wasn't over my weight or my wallet. So I'm not sure what rock all these judgmental motherfuckers have been hiding under, but they need to stay there or at least the hell away from me.)
Let me be honest: I am fat. Active, but fat. I have never hidden this fact, lied about it, or otherwise tried to claim I'm not. This is not something I proudly proclaim; but I also think there's a tendency not to understand the difference between "proud" and "not ashamed" of something. I am the latter. I am no more ashamed of being fat than I am of being a woman, white, short, or straight; these are all things I simply AM. If the fact I am fat interferes with your enjoyment of my company, you don't have to talk to me - I assure you my life will not be poorer for losing a judgmental dick like you. :-)
Also: I'm not going to spend a lot of time justifying being fat. Suffice to say I've been an exercise freak, I've cut down on food, I've gotten into good shape at various points in my life - and I've never been skinny in any of these incarnations, or even average-sized. Years ago I finally decided to go with eating lots of fresh vegetables, a little less meat and bread, but still enjoying the occasional ice cream, piece of candy, or a soda. I spent over 30 years watching my mother yo-yo in many, many, MANY successful and failed attempts to lose weight and conform what my dad and other people wanted her to look like, and I will never be that kind of woman. Deal with me.
I don't mind of people use the adjective "fat;" I do mind the way it's used. If you say "fat" or "skinny" any differently than you would say "tall" "black" or "Asian," you're the one with the problem, not me. (And if you're saying them all snidely, I'm pretty sure we're not going to get along.) I don't like a lot of euphemisms for this word, myself - fat is fat. There are varying degrees of it, of course, and if you're fat and prefer another word, that's your right. I wouldn't call you fat. Conversely, if you feel more comfortable calling me overweight or large, I'm OK with that.
But the overriding lesson here is: I may BE fat, but I am not FAT. It is not my identity any more than being white or short or female happens to be. I am proud or ashamed of the things I DO, not the things I happen to BE by dint of genetic makeup. I AM a writer; I AM a bitch; I AM independent; I AM overbearing at times; I AM willing to help a friend if I can; I AM a fan of several things. I'll apologize if I do something that egregiously offends you, but not for what I happen to be.
Second - the anger may be, in part, misplaced. People tend to heap scorn on what scares them, for various reasons. Perhaps those who make fun of fat people are fat and scornful of themselves for it, or they're NOT fat and scared of ever becoming that way. I don't know. All I know is it's OK to openly make fun of a fat person in a way it's not kosher to make fun of a lot of other people for what they happen to look like. If you don't believe me, I refer you to my old friend, FandomSecrets - specifically, this secret someone posted yesterday (which doesn't surprise me; after all, it's just one person's opinion) and then all the assholes who think they're somehow entitled to get only skinny, well-monied friends when going away for a weekend to a convention or meet-up. (For the record: In the 18 years I've been going to conventions and meet-ups to meet other fans I don't yet know, I've had problems with exactly TWO people, and I'm pretty sure it wasn't over my weight or my wallet. So I'm not sure what rock all these judgmental motherfuckers have been hiding under, but they need to stay there or at least the hell away from me.)
Let me be honest: I am fat. Active, but fat. I have never hidden this fact, lied about it, or otherwise tried to claim I'm not. This is not something I proudly proclaim; but I also think there's a tendency not to understand the difference between "proud" and "not ashamed" of something. I am the latter. I am no more ashamed of being fat than I am of being a woman, white, short, or straight; these are all things I simply AM. If the fact I am fat interferes with your enjoyment of my company, you don't have to talk to me - I assure you my life will not be poorer for losing a judgmental dick like you. :-)
Also: I'm not going to spend a lot of time justifying being fat. Suffice to say I've been an exercise freak, I've cut down on food, I've gotten into good shape at various points in my life - and I've never been skinny in any of these incarnations, or even average-sized. Years ago I finally decided to go with eating lots of fresh vegetables, a little less meat and bread, but still enjoying the occasional ice cream, piece of candy, or a soda. I spent over 30 years watching my mother yo-yo in many, many, MANY successful and failed attempts to lose weight and conform what my dad and other people wanted her to look like, and I will never be that kind of woman. Deal with me.
I don't mind of people use the adjective "fat;" I do mind the way it's used. If you say "fat" or "skinny" any differently than you would say "tall" "black" or "Asian," you're the one with the problem, not me. (And if you're saying them all snidely, I'm pretty sure we're not going to get along.) I don't like a lot of euphemisms for this word, myself - fat is fat. There are varying degrees of it, of course, and if you're fat and prefer another word, that's your right. I wouldn't call you fat. Conversely, if you feel more comfortable calling me overweight or large, I'm OK with that.
But the overriding lesson here is: I may BE fat, but I am not FAT. It is not my identity any more than being white or short or female happens to be. I am proud or ashamed of the things I DO, not the things I happen to BE by dint of genetic makeup. I AM a writer; I AM a bitch; I AM independent; I AM overbearing at times; I AM willing to help a friend if I can; I AM a fan of several things. I'll apologize if I do something that egregiously offends you, but not for what I happen to be.
