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late night amusements
Oct. 12th, 2009 02:11 amIf you ever have an hour to kill, spend it at Cracked.com reading the archive of articles. While they're almost all funny, I found two tonight that had me spitting orange juice.
5 Most Overrated Jobs of All Time - a sample: Recently, Disney and Johnny Depp have reassured us that pirates were the awesomest people ever. They lived on the seas, they had monkeys and wenches and giant squid that did their bidding. Real piracy has been around since about the 13th century BC, and it's likely that every single pirate in all of that span was less effeminate than Orlando Bloom. The Vikings were the most badass of the bunch, with a reputation for taking what they wanted and burning the rest. So if you had nice stuff, you didn't want to hide it in anything flammable because then no one would get to enjoy it.
and 5 Jobs You Wanted as a Kid and Why They Suck - a sample: Policeman. Why Kids Think It's Cool: If you have to ask, there is something wrong with you. Let us put it this way: OHMYGODYOUGETTOCARRYAGUN. Kids think that guns are the coolest thing ever. When you have a gun it means that you don't have to clean your room until you're goddamn good and ready, and anyone will trade you their Hostess cupcake for your carrots. As for the job itself, that seems pretty cool too, when you keep in mind that a five-year-old doesn't have such a solid grasp of the American judicial system. As far as they can tell, cops arrest people who piss them off, which is appealing, because kids tend to have a lot of grudges. Maybe a couple years of solitary confinement will make Sally Johnson rethink not inviting you to her birthday party.
5 Most Overrated Jobs of All Time - a sample: Recently, Disney and Johnny Depp have reassured us that pirates were the awesomest people ever. They lived on the seas, they had monkeys and wenches and giant squid that did their bidding. Real piracy has been around since about the 13th century BC, and it's likely that every single pirate in all of that span was less effeminate than Orlando Bloom. The Vikings were the most badass of the bunch, with a reputation for taking what they wanted and burning the rest. So if you had nice stuff, you didn't want to hide it in anything flammable because then no one would get to enjoy it.
and 5 Jobs You Wanted as a Kid and Why They Suck - a sample: Policeman. Why Kids Think It's Cool: If you have to ask, there is something wrong with you. Let us put it this way: OHMYGODYOUGETTOCARRYAGUN. Kids think that guns are the coolest thing ever. When you have a gun it means that you don't have to clean your room until you're goddamn good and ready, and anyone will trade you their Hostess cupcake for your carrots. As for the job itself, that seems pretty cool too, when you keep in mind that a five-year-old doesn't have such a solid grasp of the American judicial system. As far as they can tell, cops arrest people who piss them off, which is appealing, because kids tend to have a lot of grudges. Maybe a couple years of solitary confinement will make Sally Johnson rethink not inviting you to her birthday party.
