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Boy, did the POTC fandom explode in 2008. To be fair, it wasn't all one-sided. To be fair, many people took it much too seriously across the board. As for whether I'm glad to be rid of some fans with whom I had profound disagreements - I can't say that's true. I suppose I always thought if there was ever a clash, that people would get upset, do some yelling, and then settle down to reconsider whether they held their opinions as more valuable than being able to chat with fellow fans about a common interest. I have never before been part of a "fanwar" and I suppose I didn't realize it was possible - or preferable - to self-segregate rather than try to work out disagreements.
After all, most families who exchange harsh remarks don't stop speaking within themselves over it. There's always room for apology and admission. My first mistake, then, was in thinking of fandom as a family.
I have learned how far I can be pushed before I am no longer civil. I have learned what I will do when I'm pushed too far, and when I see what is supposed to be fun deteriorating into the same pattern of mutual acrimony that some real-life relationships eventually do when communication becomes less important than being right. I have also learned what some other people will do when presented with challenges - who will bear up with grace and who will turn to lashing out.
I'd like to say I'm in the first category; I know I'm not. At least not enough of the time.
I realize it's not kosher to admit that you miss some of the people with whom it appears you had your worst disagreements - that it's seen as a sign of losing. But since I don't view fandom as a contest, I can't say I'm concerned I'll be seen that way for admitting I was sorry to see things break apart so badly this year. I used to have good discussions with some of those fans with whom I am no longer welcome to communicate. I used to read some of their stories and leave good comments for them. And yes, when I thought they were going beyond acceptable limits of cutting down fellow fans, I pointed it out. I would do it again ... because what I wanted, what I really wanted, was more than one to come forward and tell me I was wrong, that what I was seeing wasn't a dismissal of an entire portion of fandom for being less intelligent, less thoughtful, less enlightened, less "right." And to prove it by occasionally seeing my POV and being willing to disagree with their fellows who were not being very fair. (This isn't to say I'm always right. But I can't always be wrong.)
In the end, I think my second mistake was in expecting anyone to have to explain anything they asserted, even to fellow fans who had shared the same playground for several years who might be offended by it. If I'm ever brave enough to join another fandom anywhere again and stick with it for a long period of time, I hope I can stay away from the meta portion as I managed to do for the first 3 years of POTC fandom, and just stick with reading (and maybe writing) stories. Because it's not worth losing the goodwill that is the whole point of finding like-minded souls who watched the same movie or read the same series of books.
Anybody reading this, whatever fandoms you join in 2009, I hope they go better than this one did.
After all, most families who exchange harsh remarks don't stop speaking within themselves over it. There's always room for apology and admission. My first mistake, then, was in thinking of fandom as a family.
I have learned how far I can be pushed before I am no longer civil. I have learned what I will do when I'm pushed too far, and when I see what is supposed to be fun deteriorating into the same pattern of mutual acrimony that some real-life relationships eventually do when communication becomes less important than being right. I have also learned what some other people will do when presented with challenges - who will bear up with grace and who will turn to lashing out.
I'd like to say I'm in the first category; I know I'm not. At least not enough of the time.
I realize it's not kosher to admit that you miss some of the people with whom it appears you had your worst disagreements - that it's seen as a sign of losing. But since I don't view fandom as a contest, I can't say I'm concerned I'll be seen that way for admitting I was sorry to see things break apart so badly this year. I used to have good discussions with some of those fans with whom I am no longer welcome to communicate. I used to read some of their stories and leave good comments for them. And yes, when I thought they were going beyond acceptable limits of cutting down fellow fans, I pointed it out. I would do it again ... because what I wanted, what I really wanted, was more than one to come forward and tell me I was wrong, that what I was seeing wasn't a dismissal of an entire portion of fandom for being less intelligent, less thoughtful, less enlightened, less "right." And to prove it by occasionally seeing my POV and being willing to disagree with their fellows who were not being very fair. (This isn't to say I'm always right. But I can't always be wrong.)
In the end, I think my second mistake was in expecting anyone to have to explain anything they asserted, even to fellow fans who had shared the same playground for several years who might be offended by it. If I'm ever brave enough to join another fandom anywhere again and stick with it for a long period of time, I hope I can stay away from the meta portion as I managed to do for the first 3 years of POTC fandom, and just stick with reading (and maybe writing) stories. Because it's not worth losing the goodwill that is the whole point of finding like-minded souls who watched the same movie or read the same series of books.
Anybody reading this, whatever fandoms you join in 2009, I hope they go better than this one did.
