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Is the Internet just bad for our mental health and creativity? Or rather, can you get too much of a good thing with the Internet and fandom?
I'm well aware of the irony of where I'm typing this. But it's something to consider. Debating and writing fanfic are two joys I had for many years - well, when I started each, there was no Internet available to the public. My fanfic consisted of stories written by me for me, and shared with a limited number of others in mailed paper 'zines - in fact, you couldn't just publish everything you wrote. Somebody actually read through what was submitted, made a decision to include it in their at-cost, nonprofit printed material, and mailed it out to subscribers or buyers. For the two somebody actually printed of what I wrote, I wrote a lot of fanfic that never saw the light of day.
As for debating, this is something we've all done in school, in college (if you went), around the dinner table with family, at work with co-workers, on dates, at ball games with friends. Let's face it, debate is much more civilized when two people face each other in person and know each other better than just as a username or a voice - at least if they know what each other looks like, how they react. It's just harder to insult somebody in person.
With the Internet, everything is so immediate and immediately reactionary. You write things you wouldn't say if you were facing someone and had time to think or could see their expression and realize they're simply annoyed and don't know how to best express themselves, either. Something that would make you want to smack someone in person, if properly explained at that moment, might make that hard feeling abate or dissolve. (Think of how many times you wanted to yell something at a family member and were later glad you didn't. Yet, we don't always exercise this same discretion online.)
Have you ever left a comment that you thought was clever or cute, but after some sleep or thought, realized it was just kind of dumb and was going to hurt someone's feelings? Very few people online are of the temperament to recognize this and treat it as such. I've been in both situations a few times, where I said something that by all rights, somebody should've verbally smacked me for, or the other person left me a comment that got my hackles up. In both cases, there have been times the other person responded rationally to mine, or I responded rationally to such an inflammatory comment ... and the resulting reply was much calmer and less charged. In other words, by showing some understanding to the initial commenter, the person replying gave them the chance to "back out" of looking like so much of an asshole. (And yes, once again, I include myself in that category on a few occasions. I rarely say what I don't mean or haven't thought about, but I have done it. I bet I'll do it again, more than once. I hope I wouldn't, but I probably will.)
If you're pissed off about something - a real debate, something in fandom - you should just be able to say you're annoyed to the person themselves. Preferably non-anonymously. Not through a sockpuppet. Not by getting your friends to say it on your behalf. Not by making veiled insults about what someone likes in your comments to a story, or in a story itself, to get a reaction. Just TELL them what annoys you about them, in clear language, and then be adult enough to listen to an explanation if they offer one. And if somebody leaves you such a comment, try not to get angry - instead, try to take it seriously if they phrase themselves civilly. It makes me ill to think of how many misunderstandings I've seen online (and yes, participated in) that could've been avoided if one or both parties didn't automatically assume the other person wasn't going to take them seriously enough to reply in calm fashion.
And if you don't feel comfortable doing this on someone's LJ, remember: There's a PM function for this very reason.
I have no hidden agenda (I never have - I pretty much always say just what I mean, even when it's not cultured). I have no specific recent interchange to reference. I'm just frustrated to see a lot of people who used to be able to discuss and read each other's stuff standing in corners away from each other steadfastly refusing to read or comment or post, or tossing out biting insults in the form of comments and drabbles, because they're incapable of saying "Hey, I have this problem and we need to clear it up." (Of course, it could be that some of these fans have a vested interest in keeping the hate going. But I don't know why this is an attractive option in what used to be such a fun fandom. I just find it wearing and disheartening.) And yes, I know there is at least one place some people can't post to right now. But to be fair, I have never openly insulted the moderator of a community if I wanted to remain a member. That's like telling your teacher to go fuck herself in class.
I've thought about making a post like this before and usually stopped because I know I'm guilty of not always staying on the straight-and-narrow of getting to the point of what bothers me, addressing my annoyance directly to the person who needs to read it, and pushing harder than I should for a reaction through sarcasm. But this is always going to be the case with my past and nothing changes by sitting around and looking at it thinking *Gee, I should've handled that better* - and not actually SAYING something to that effect. I figure if politicians can bite their tongues and mend fences for serious matters, fans of entertainment ought to be able to at least take a crack at something similar.
I'm disabling comments just because this is something I wanted to write, not because I'm looking for comments either agreeing or disagreeing with me. I figure if you disagree with me over something, it's probably not in this post and you're free to leave me a comment to one of those posts or PM me. Likewise, if you just want to say "I agree" - well, I appreciate it, but if you already agree with me, this won't make much of an impression.
I'm well aware of the irony of where I'm typing this. But it's something to consider. Debating and writing fanfic are two joys I had for many years - well, when I started each, there was no Internet available to the public. My fanfic consisted of stories written by me for me, and shared with a limited number of others in mailed paper 'zines - in fact, you couldn't just publish everything you wrote. Somebody actually read through what was submitted, made a decision to include it in their at-cost, nonprofit printed material, and mailed it out to subscribers or buyers. For the two somebody actually printed of what I wrote, I wrote a lot of fanfic that never saw the light of day.
As for debating, this is something we've all done in school, in college (if you went), around the dinner table with family, at work with co-workers, on dates, at ball games with friends. Let's face it, debate is much more civilized when two people face each other in person and know each other better than just as a username or a voice - at least if they know what each other looks like, how they react. It's just harder to insult somebody in person.
With the Internet, everything is so immediate and immediately reactionary. You write things you wouldn't say if you were facing someone and had time to think or could see their expression and realize they're simply annoyed and don't know how to best express themselves, either. Something that would make you want to smack someone in person, if properly explained at that moment, might make that hard feeling abate or dissolve. (Think of how many times you wanted to yell something at a family member and were later glad you didn't. Yet, we don't always exercise this same discretion online.)
Have you ever left a comment that you thought was clever or cute, but after some sleep or thought, realized it was just kind of dumb and was going to hurt someone's feelings? Very few people online are of the temperament to recognize this and treat it as such. I've been in both situations a few times, where I said something that by all rights, somebody should've verbally smacked me for, or the other person left me a comment that got my hackles up. In both cases, there have been times the other person responded rationally to mine, or I responded rationally to such an inflammatory comment ... and the resulting reply was much calmer and less charged. In other words, by showing some understanding to the initial commenter, the person replying gave them the chance to "back out" of looking like so much of an asshole. (And yes, once again, I include myself in that category on a few occasions. I rarely say what I don't mean or haven't thought about, but I have done it. I bet I'll do it again, more than once. I hope I wouldn't, but I probably will.)
If you're pissed off about something - a real debate, something in fandom - you should just be able to say you're annoyed to the person themselves. Preferably non-anonymously. Not through a sockpuppet. Not by getting your friends to say it on your behalf. Not by making veiled insults about what someone likes in your comments to a story, or in a story itself, to get a reaction. Just TELL them what annoys you about them, in clear language, and then be adult enough to listen to an explanation if they offer one. And if somebody leaves you such a comment, try not to get angry - instead, try to take it seriously if they phrase themselves civilly. It makes me ill to think of how many misunderstandings I've seen online (and yes, participated in) that could've been avoided if one or both parties didn't automatically assume the other person wasn't going to take them seriously enough to reply in calm fashion.
And if you don't feel comfortable doing this on someone's LJ, remember: There's a PM function for this very reason.
I have no hidden agenda (I never have - I pretty much always say just what I mean, even when it's not cultured). I have no specific recent interchange to reference. I'm just frustrated to see a lot of people who used to be able to discuss and read each other's stuff standing in corners away from each other steadfastly refusing to read or comment or post, or tossing out biting insults in the form of comments and drabbles, because they're incapable of saying "Hey, I have this problem and we need to clear it up." (Of course, it could be that some of these fans have a vested interest in keeping the hate going. But I don't know why this is an attractive option in what used to be such a fun fandom. I just find it wearing and disheartening.) And yes, I know there is at least one place some people can't post to right now. But to be fair, I have never openly insulted the moderator of a community if I wanted to remain a member. That's like telling your teacher to go fuck herself in class.
I've thought about making a post like this before and usually stopped because I know I'm guilty of not always staying on the straight-and-narrow of getting to the point of what bothers me, addressing my annoyance directly to the person who needs to read it, and pushing harder than I should for a reaction through sarcasm. But this is always going to be the case with my past and nothing changes by sitting around and looking at it thinking *Gee, I should've handled that better* - and not actually SAYING something to that effect. I figure if politicians can bite their tongues and mend fences for serious matters, fans of entertainment ought to be able to at least take a crack at something similar.
I'm disabling comments just because this is something I wanted to write, not because I'm looking for comments either agreeing or disagreeing with me. I figure if you disagree with me over something, it's probably not in this post and you're free to leave me a comment to one of those posts or PM me. Likewise, if you just want to say "I agree" - well, I appreciate it, but if you already agree with me, this won't make much of an impression.
