Bodice ripper back covers

The "Smart Bitches, Trashy Books" site inspired metalkatt and I to write something that might appear on the back of a J/W romance novel:

Me: Will Turner had been half in-love with the beautiful, fierce Elizabeth Swann since the day she fished him from a watery grave eight years ago. When she was taken, he was desperate enough to find her that he was willing to turn to anyone - ANYONE.
Nat: Jack Sparrow had become jaded in his many years upon the sea. With his ship taken from him, and too restless to settle for anything less, he danced a fine line between burning bridges and slipping through loopholes. However, the strong, broad-shouldered blacksmith he'd come upon after he breezed through Port Royal gave him pause--underneath his mousy, controlled exterior, he could sense a spirit as strong as the iron he forged, and free as the sea herself... and Jack possessed something that blacksmith needed.
Me: (that is fabulous)
Nat: (that is ridiculous)
Me: (that is the point)
Me: When the two collide, it's sparks hotter than any Will's ever forged. Will he finally claim his childhood sweetheart at long last ... or find a passion as tempestuous as the Caribbean waters he charts with the infamous Captain Sparrow?
Nat: Will Jack be able to stay as free and unfettered as the ocean he sails upon, or shall Will Turner the Second hold some sort of sway over his heart as well as his body?
Me: Will the writers know when they've run out of cover space?
Nat: Will they care?
Me: Will they be able to hear the warnings to stop over the manly moans of mutual man-pleasure?
Nat: Just read the damn book already and find out!
Jack: That was purpler than me cock at full mast.
Will: Good heavens, that was all you, Jack?
Jack: *puffs up proudly*

ETA: Of course, it would have a cover a lot like this. (Shamelessly hotlinked from the creator, ainsoph15. Thank you, dahlink!)

Go ahead. Make fun of your fanfic. Write one!