need ... inspiration ...

[veronica_rich]

This is totally not an emo post. I'm just missing my - inspiration, mojo, work ethic, whatever you want to call it. I have no desire to do much anymore, and it's driving me batty. I spent years working hard - good grades in high school and college, awards when I could, worked hard on my career (70 hours a week or more for little pay) out of college, got all kinds of awards there, too. Heck, when I lost my job five years ago, I took up temping and all kinds of part-time work just to stay afloat financially. I've lived on freelancing and legal work for the past several years. But I've hit a wall; I just can't do it anymore. I can't summon up the energy or inspiration or anything.

At this point in my career, as hard as I've worked, I ought to be somewhere, not stalled at a place 12 years in with nothing to show for it except a fancy resume I can't really use anywhere. I can't afford grad school, can't really afford to move and look somewhere else for an actual career-type job, and I simply don't know what to do to keep my spirits up and my "train on the track" these days. I've become lazy and uninspired, and that really sucks.

Comments

[dejectedmadness.livejournal.com]

I don't comment much, but I wanted to tell you that I know how you feel. Not in the sense of having the slightest idea exactly what you've gone through to get to the place you are today, but in the way that I feel like I'm running and pushing on and dragging boulders behind me and getting exactly nowhere. I've been doing everything that is expected of me for the last 21 years of my life and working as hard as I can just to get through, graduate, and get out from under my parents' thumbs, but it's gotten to the point where I just can't make myself sit down and write that report, or where I think if I see another differential equation, I'm going to pop someone in the face.

My best friend gets me through. We both know that I don't want to go where my degree intends for me to go. I don't want to be an engineer. We started a band. It's hardly serious, but just a little hint in the back of my mind that says, "Maybe it will work out," is enough to keep me going long enough to graduate.

I suggest just finding a side project. Something that you can do, maybe with someone you care about, that can push you in a new direction so maybe you can discover some kind of inspiration to keep going.

I don't know if I am any kind of helpful. Hope you figure things out.