veronica_rich (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
veronica_rich) wrote2006-07-27 12:53 am
veronica_rich) wrote2006-07-27 12:53 am
need ... inspiration ...
This is totally not an emo post. I'm just missing my - inspiration, mojo, work ethic, whatever you want to call it. I have no desire to do much anymore, and it's driving me batty. I spent years working hard - good grades in high school and college, awards when I could, worked hard on my career (70 hours a week or more for little pay) out of college, got all kinds of awards there, too. Heck, when I lost my job five years ago, I took up temping and all kinds of part-time work just to stay afloat financially. I've lived on freelancing and legal work for the past several years. But I've hit a wall; I just can't do it anymore. I can't summon up the energy or inspiration or anything.
At this point in my career, as hard as I've worked, I ought to be somewhere, not stalled at a place 12 years in with nothing to show for it except a fancy resume I can't really use anywhere. I can't afford grad school, can't really afford to move and look somewhere else for an actual career-type job, and I simply don't know what to do to keep my spirits up and my "train on the track" these days. I've become lazy and uninspired, and that really sucks.
At this point in my career, as hard as I've worked, I ought to be somewhere, not stalled at a place 12 years in with nothing to show for it except a fancy resume I can't really use anywhere. I can't afford grad school, can't really afford to move and look somewhere else for an actual career-type job, and I simply don't know what to do to keep my spirits up and my "train on the track" these days. I've become lazy and uninspired, and that really sucks.
no subject
There were a couple of days last month... but depression is one of the symptoms of the nerve disorder that plagues me - like duh - if you can't reverse the damage you might lose use of your limb entirely forever. I don't think depression is really a reach in that situation. And my anxiety and worry and physical pain made me look at the world in a very bleak manner indeed. I started swimming every (almost) day, and that really helped.
So, yeah, if you can drag yourself somewhwere to do some exercise, just the effect of your blood circulating more freely can make a world of difference.
The future is looking pretty fucking not pleasant, that's for sure. There's not much ot look forward too, particularly not the US's slow slide into fascism. Aw, hell, I'm not helping much, am I?
More slash. That's always my prescription for angst.
Also, that "setting little, manageable goals" strategy is really good. Try it. When you wake up, pick something that needs doing, expecially something that's bugged you for a long time. Say to yourself "Today I'm going to empty the spice shelf and clean the fucker and go through all the spices and toss out the ones I don't use" or "I'm going to alphabetize my DVD collection" or whatever and then do it no matter what. You'd be surprised how achieving a simple tiny goal can lift your spirits and encourage you to set a higher one the next day. "I'm going to finish that WIP I started ages ago." "I'm going to walk 3 miles today." "I'm going to do some creative redesign on my resume and come up with something that will get me to the interview on every fucking application because I'm a totally competent and useful and valuable person and every company should be begging me to work for them." "I'm going to go to Washington and kick that fucking bum out of the White House and put someone who cares about people and the environment and the future int here instead."
Well. Heh. You get the idea.