veronica_rich (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
veronica_rich) wrote2007-01-14 10:35 pm
veronica_rich) wrote2007-01-14 10:35 pm
"Breaking Command" Part 5
She spent the rest of the afternoon cleaning her bathroom, then reading as part of her ongoing project to educate herself about events and news that had taken place in the Alpha Quadrant during Voyager’s seven-year “three-hour tour,” so to speak. That evening, she ordered a transport delivery from one of her favorite restaurants and downloaded more reading to her novel PADD. She was not going to leave her house for a long while, and so she needed to bring the world in to her.
It’s really a shame everybody’s busy this week, she thought of her friends. I wouldn’t mind having some decent company. As soon as the thought was born, she thought of Reg and shook her head. That was a complication she didn’t need right now in her life. Besides, he made a good friend and a great listener, but anything more was just ... ridiculous. He was not at all the type of man she usually went for; he would have to be at least of equal rank with her to get her attention, as well as adventurous and bold, and ... and, and, and.
Where, exactly, had that “and” gotten her for the past seven years? she wanted to know, suddenly, with a burst of annoyance. It had sent a perfectly good man into the arms of another woman, whom he now loved as he probably never would’ve Kathryn, and had kept what few other eligible, compatible males there were at bay.
And she had to admit, it had been gutsy for Reg to lay a smooch on the ice queen herself.
Well, Kathryn had to admit the comments she’d heard behind her back weren’t quite that bad, but all seemed to agree that she was somehow unreachable, that she had no need of intimate companionship. She thought of his kiss again and tried to examine it objectively. He’d been in a situation here he thought it was acceptable to try, he’d said some very nice things to her beforehand — boy, had they been a balm to her timeworn soul! — and she hadn’t exactly shoved him away and drop-kicked him.
Turning her mind to less objective thoughts, she relived the moment she’d kissed him back, savoring the feel of that warm, strong mouth on her own, the side of his nose nuzzling hers as he drew her against his body, long and lean and solid. It hadn’t been a perfunctory peck or a cheer-up kiss; it had been genuine and tender, and filled with passion she would’ve never expected from Reg.
At precisely eight p.m., she heard her door buzzer, along with a clear, strong voice from the other side announcing, “It’s Tuvok.”
Kathryn, who had by now actually changed into pajamas underneath her bathrobe, put aside her thoughts and her PADD and stood. “Come in.” The Vulcan entered, and she grinned at seeing him, despite the day’s trials. “What brings you by?”
“Transporter,” he replied automatically, his version of a joke.
She cocked her head. “Cute, Tuvok. I think you’re spending too much time around those oddball eggheads at Daystrom.”
He lifted a finely-arched eyebrow. “Perhaps. But I am, at least, doing something rewarding and enjoyable.” He softened his expression by lowering the brow. “Are you feeling well?”
She could tell he’d seen the program earlier. “Great. If you’re watching Myra Spokes, then the rest of the damned galaxy saw it, too.”
“I am not a regular viewer. I simply turned it on today because I knew you and Neelix would be guests.” He indicated she could sit, then took a spot in nearby chair, perched on the edge. Tuvok hardly ever relaxed, even in sleep. “You seemed troubled, moreso than the question warranted. You have answered ones like it many times before, in more stressful situations, with much more aplomb.”
“Thanks, Tuvok, you really know how to perk a girl up.”
“My intention is not to chastise you. I was just pointing out that perhaps you should stop doing these interviews if they are going to trouble you that much after such a time.”
She eyed him suspiciously. “Have you and Reg been talking?”
Tuvok shook his head and frowned slightly. “I have not been in contact with him for several weeks. What leads you to ask?”
She sighed and leaned back, crossing her arms obstinately. “It’s just that he’s been telling me the same thing for the last month or thereabouts.”
“I have often found Lieutenant Commander Barclay to have unique insights about people and behavior. It could be because of his own troubled background.” Tuvok cocked his head. “I know you value his opinions. Why haven’t you heeded his advice about this matter?”
“You know why, Tuvok.”
“No, I know why you continue to make these appearances and agree to interviews. I have no idea why you would disregard repeated concerns from a friend such as Mr. Barclay.”
Suspiciously, Kathryn threw him a look. She hadn’t seen him in over a month, and suddenly he shows up on the same day the ... fiasco, with Reg, had happened, and he refers to him as a “such” kind of friend. “What do you know about our friendship?” she snapped.
His eyes widened in some confusion. “I only know you respect his work on the Pathfinder project and as a result, you two talk on occasion. You told me that much.” He said nothing more, but his final words and his expression phrased a silent question, Is there more?
Kathryn sighed and leaned back into the sofa. She was so damned suspicious. “That’s ... all it is, Tuvok.”
“I have my doubts, Captain.”
She’d known him for too long to pull rank to get him to shut up. “I’ve screwed up this time,” she began, then gave him a sanitized, truncated version of what had happened that afternoon, followed by the day on Voyager when she’d gone into an attack, and the month before that, visiting the ship every day and getting to know Reg on a more personal basis. “I feel horrible, but I don’t know what for, specifically,” she grumped.
“Only you can figure out the answer to that. It depends in large part on how you feel about him.”
She glanced at him. “Feel? He’s a friend and a more-than-competent officer. He helped us in an impossible situation and I don’t think I’m any more grateful than anyone else to him for that.”
Tuvok actually sighed. “Just because I’m a Vulcan doesn’t mean I don’t understand feelings, Captain. You know perfectly well what kind of feeling I mean.”
“Yes, I know.” She shook her head, then looked at him again. “I did a bad thing, packing him off like that, didn’t I?” The Vulcan only returned her gaze. “Dammit, Tuvok, you could tell me I did the right thing, for once.”
“In the long run, which is going to make you happier? Who do you want to be correct in this situation?”
She didn’t answer, not yet sure herself.
*****
Deanna Troi’s smiling visage came into view on Reg’s desktop monitor, and she leaned back into her office chair to address him. “Reg! It’s nice to hear from you. I haven’t gotten a communique in a couple of weeks. Been busy?”
The engineer opened his mouth, then closed it, thinking, then opened it again. “You could say that ... yes,” he answered.
“What’ve you been up to?” She crossed her legs and folded her hands on her knee, just barely visible onscreen.
“Not much. Mainly fixing Voyager.”
“Ah, yes. By the way, I saw the interview you did with that writer from ‘Popular Mechanics.’ You sounded very articulate and knowledgeable. Pretty soon everyone’ll be hitting you up to find lost ships.”
He grinned at that. Trust Deanna to find a way to make him feel better. “Aww ... you’re just saying that,” he parried.
Her smile broadened, then she bustled a bit and put on “serious counselor” mode. “Is lack of career opportunity what’s troubling you today?”
At least he had the grace to look sheepish, he thought. “Am I that predictable, that I only call when I need something?”
“You don’t call that often, Reg, so don’t worry about it. Now tell me what the problem is.”
“I ... did something really stupid, Deanna. Worse than usual.” As he proceeded to give her the shortened version of what took place in Kathryn’s living room, to her credit, the counselor’s expression betrayed nothing. Reg figured that by now she’d heard everything under the sun and was incapable of being shocked by any revelations. “I’m worried it’ll come back on me in my job,” he finished up.
Deanna thought that over. “I don’t think the captain’s the kind of petty personality who would use that against you professionally, Reg.”
“Yes, but somebody could inadvertently find out about it and then my ass would be grass. Excuse me,” he added hastily, remember he was talking to a lady. “I am the junior officer, after all.”
Those big, dark eyes studied him for a moment, as if even through billions of kilometers she could read his mind. “Reg, forgive me for bypassing your career concerns, here, but I feel what’s really bothering you isn’t that at all. You really wanted to do that and you’re afraid you won’t have the chance to do it again.”
He thought that over and concluded she might be right; he’d worked himself into such a state of worry over having offended Kathryn that he just assumed nothing else positive would ever come of it. He told Deanna as much. “At this point, I’ll just be relieved if she forgets it and goes on.”
“No you won’t. I think you’d be relieved if she thought it over and came to the conclusion that she enjoyed it, too.”
“That’s not even a possibility.”
“How do you know?”
Reg gaped at her. Was she serious? “Um ... hello? Remember who I am? I couldn’t even get a Dabo girl to stay interested in me when I was paying for the dates and giving her presents. I’m fairly sure Leosa has a shorter attention span than someone like Kathryn.”
“Right. Which means her attention won’t waver as quickly.”
He shook his head. “You know what I mean.”
“No, I don’t.” Deanna sighed. “Look, I know you well enough to know that you would not have tried to kiss any woman you didn’t think was remotely interested in anything about you. Whatever inspired you to do it ... it means something is there between the two of you. What I think is that you’ve been putting yourself down for so long that you’ve forgotten it is very possible for women to be interested in Reg Barclay.” She took a breath, then held up her hand as he went to say something else. “Despite the presence of other men on the same planet.” He shut his mouth; she’d read his mind, of course. “I’m curious about something; why did you stop kissing her?” she asked.
“I was trying to be a gentleman about it.”
“Did you want to stop?” He shook his head. “Reg ... neither of you are teenagers, and I doubt Kathryn is so inexperienced she didn’t know what direction the activity was going in. Why did you really stop?”
He glanced down. “Nerves, mostly. I ... well, I was afraid I wouldn’t be good enough for what she expected.”
“Yet, she kissed you back anyway, even knowing you about as well as anybody else. Now,” she continued, “of course, the question is what do you do next?”
“Me?”
“Reg.” She gave him a hard look. “Look, to be blunt, sometimes you just gotta have some balls.” She paused to let that sink in. “I don’t think it would be unreasonable to talk to her about this. Let a couple of days pass so she can think it over, and it’s entirely possible she’ll change her mind.”
“And then what if that happens?”
Deanna tried, but she couldn’t tamp down the grin that etched its way across her face. “Take a week off and have fun, I guess.”
*****
Part 4
Part 6
It’s really a shame everybody’s busy this week, she thought of her friends. I wouldn’t mind having some decent company. As soon as the thought was born, she thought of Reg and shook her head. That was a complication she didn’t need right now in her life. Besides, he made a good friend and a great listener, but anything more was just ... ridiculous. He was not at all the type of man she usually went for; he would have to be at least of equal rank with her to get her attention, as well as adventurous and bold, and ... and, and, and.
Where, exactly, had that “and” gotten her for the past seven years? she wanted to know, suddenly, with a burst of annoyance. It had sent a perfectly good man into the arms of another woman, whom he now loved as he probably never would’ve Kathryn, and had kept what few other eligible, compatible males there were at bay.
And she had to admit, it had been gutsy for Reg to lay a smooch on the ice queen herself.
Well, Kathryn had to admit the comments she’d heard behind her back weren’t quite that bad, but all seemed to agree that she was somehow unreachable, that she had no need of intimate companionship. She thought of his kiss again and tried to examine it objectively. He’d been in a situation here he thought it was acceptable to try, he’d said some very nice things to her beforehand — boy, had they been a balm to her timeworn soul! — and she hadn’t exactly shoved him away and drop-kicked him.
Turning her mind to less objective thoughts, she relived the moment she’d kissed him back, savoring the feel of that warm, strong mouth on her own, the side of his nose nuzzling hers as he drew her against his body, long and lean and solid. It hadn’t been a perfunctory peck or a cheer-up kiss; it had been genuine and tender, and filled with passion she would’ve never expected from Reg.
At precisely eight p.m., she heard her door buzzer, along with a clear, strong voice from the other side announcing, “It’s Tuvok.”
Kathryn, who had by now actually changed into pajamas underneath her bathrobe, put aside her thoughts and her PADD and stood. “Come in.” The Vulcan entered, and she grinned at seeing him, despite the day’s trials. “What brings you by?”
“Transporter,” he replied automatically, his version of a joke.
She cocked her head. “Cute, Tuvok. I think you’re spending too much time around those oddball eggheads at Daystrom.”
He lifted a finely-arched eyebrow. “Perhaps. But I am, at least, doing something rewarding and enjoyable.” He softened his expression by lowering the brow. “Are you feeling well?”
She could tell he’d seen the program earlier. “Great. If you’re watching Myra Spokes, then the rest of the damned galaxy saw it, too.”
“I am not a regular viewer. I simply turned it on today because I knew you and Neelix would be guests.” He indicated she could sit, then took a spot in nearby chair, perched on the edge. Tuvok hardly ever relaxed, even in sleep. “You seemed troubled, moreso than the question warranted. You have answered ones like it many times before, in more stressful situations, with much more aplomb.”
“Thanks, Tuvok, you really know how to perk a girl up.”
“My intention is not to chastise you. I was just pointing out that perhaps you should stop doing these interviews if they are going to trouble you that much after such a time.”
She eyed him suspiciously. “Have you and Reg been talking?”
Tuvok shook his head and frowned slightly. “I have not been in contact with him for several weeks. What leads you to ask?”
She sighed and leaned back, crossing her arms obstinately. “It’s just that he’s been telling me the same thing for the last month or thereabouts.”
“I have often found Lieutenant Commander Barclay to have unique insights about people and behavior. It could be because of his own troubled background.” Tuvok cocked his head. “I know you value his opinions. Why haven’t you heeded his advice about this matter?”
“You know why, Tuvok.”
“No, I know why you continue to make these appearances and agree to interviews. I have no idea why you would disregard repeated concerns from a friend such as Mr. Barclay.”
Suspiciously, Kathryn threw him a look. She hadn’t seen him in over a month, and suddenly he shows up on the same day the ... fiasco, with Reg, had happened, and he refers to him as a “such” kind of friend. “What do you know about our friendship?” she snapped.
His eyes widened in some confusion. “I only know you respect his work on the Pathfinder project and as a result, you two talk on occasion. You told me that much.” He said nothing more, but his final words and his expression phrased a silent question, Is there more?
Kathryn sighed and leaned back into the sofa. She was so damned suspicious. “That’s ... all it is, Tuvok.”
“I have my doubts, Captain.”
She’d known him for too long to pull rank to get him to shut up. “I’ve screwed up this time,” she began, then gave him a sanitized, truncated version of what had happened that afternoon, followed by the day on Voyager when she’d gone into an attack, and the month before that, visiting the ship every day and getting to know Reg on a more personal basis. “I feel horrible, but I don’t know what for, specifically,” she grumped.
“Only you can figure out the answer to that. It depends in large part on how you feel about him.”
She glanced at him. “Feel? He’s a friend and a more-than-competent officer. He helped us in an impossible situation and I don’t think I’m any more grateful than anyone else to him for that.”
Tuvok actually sighed. “Just because I’m a Vulcan doesn’t mean I don’t understand feelings, Captain. You know perfectly well what kind of feeling I mean.”
“Yes, I know.” She shook her head, then looked at him again. “I did a bad thing, packing him off like that, didn’t I?” The Vulcan only returned her gaze. “Dammit, Tuvok, you could tell me I did the right thing, for once.”
“In the long run, which is going to make you happier? Who do you want to be correct in this situation?”
She didn’t answer, not yet sure herself.
*****
Deanna Troi’s smiling visage came into view on Reg’s desktop monitor, and she leaned back into her office chair to address him. “Reg! It’s nice to hear from you. I haven’t gotten a communique in a couple of weeks. Been busy?”
The engineer opened his mouth, then closed it, thinking, then opened it again. “You could say that ... yes,” he answered.
“What’ve you been up to?” She crossed her legs and folded her hands on her knee, just barely visible onscreen.
“Not much. Mainly fixing Voyager.”
“Ah, yes. By the way, I saw the interview you did with that writer from ‘Popular Mechanics.’ You sounded very articulate and knowledgeable. Pretty soon everyone’ll be hitting you up to find lost ships.”
He grinned at that. Trust Deanna to find a way to make him feel better. “Aww ... you’re just saying that,” he parried.
Her smile broadened, then she bustled a bit and put on “serious counselor” mode. “Is lack of career opportunity what’s troubling you today?”
At least he had the grace to look sheepish, he thought. “Am I that predictable, that I only call when I need something?”
“You don’t call that often, Reg, so don’t worry about it. Now tell me what the problem is.”
“I ... did something really stupid, Deanna. Worse than usual.” As he proceeded to give her the shortened version of what took place in Kathryn’s living room, to her credit, the counselor’s expression betrayed nothing. Reg figured that by now she’d heard everything under the sun and was incapable of being shocked by any revelations. “I’m worried it’ll come back on me in my job,” he finished up.
Deanna thought that over. “I don’t think the captain’s the kind of petty personality who would use that against you professionally, Reg.”
“Yes, but somebody could inadvertently find out about it and then my ass would be grass. Excuse me,” he added hastily, remember he was talking to a lady. “I am the junior officer, after all.”
Those big, dark eyes studied him for a moment, as if even through billions of kilometers she could read his mind. “Reg, forgive me for bypassing your career concerns, here, but I feel what’s really bothering you isn’t that at all. You really wanted to do that and you’re afraid you won’t have the chance to do it again.”
He thought that over and concluded she might be right; he’d worked himself into such a state of worry over having offended Kathryn that he just assumed nothing else positive would ever come of it. He told Deanna as much. “At this point, I’ll just be relieved if she forgets it and goes on.”
“No you won’t. I think you’d be relieved if she thought it over and came to the conclusion that she enjoyed it, too.”
“That’s not even a possibility.”
“How do you know?”
Reg gaped at her. Was she serious? “Um ... hello? Remember who I am? I couldn’t even get a Dabo girl to stay interested in me when I was paying for the dates and giving her presents. I’m fairly sure Leosa has a shorter attention span than someone like Kathryn.”
“Right. Which means her attention won’t waver as quickly.”
He shook his head. “You know what I mean.”
“No, I don’t.” Deanna sighed. “Look, I know you well enough to know that you would not have tried to kiss any woman you didn’t think was remotely interested in anything about you. Whatever inspired you to do it ... it means something is there between the two of you. What I think is that you’ve been putting yourself down for so long that you’ve forgotten it is very possible for women to be interested in Reg Barclay.” She took a breath, then held up her hand as he went to say something else. “Despite the presence of other men on the same planet.” He shut his mouth; she’d read his mind, of course. “I’m curious about something; why did you stop kissing her?” she asked.
“I was trying to be a gentleman about it.”
“Did you want to stop?” He shook his head. “Reg ... neither of you are teenagers, and I doubt Kathryn is so inexperienced she didn’t know what direction the activity was going in. Why did you really stop?”
He glanced down. “Nerves, mostly. I ... well, I was afraid I wouldn’t be good enough for what she expected.”
“Yet, she kissed you back anyway, even knowing you about as well as anybody else. Now,” she continued, “of course, the question is what do you do next?”
“Me?”
“Reg.” She gave him a hard look. “Look, to be blunt, sometimes you just gotta have some balls.” She paused to let that sink in. “I don’t think it would be unreasonable to talk to her about this. Let a couple of days pass so she can think it over, and it’s entirely possible she’ll change her mind.”
“And then what if that happens?”
Deanna tried, but she couldn’t tamp down the grin that etched its way across her face. “Take a week off and have fun, I guess.”
*****
Part 4
Part 6