Hallelujah and pass the spermicide!

[veronica_rich]

Found via finding_neo (who's apparently been out finding political wank instead of Keanu Reeves):

Dear readers, I have had a shocking and dramatic change of heart. John McCain and Sarah Palin have convinced me that overturning Roe v. Wade is a magnificent idea and we must pursue it at once ...

Now, in exchange for banning abortions entirely, I would like to address another part of human anatomy which is your dick, sir. Once you put your dick in a vagina and make a girl pregnant such that her uterus is engaged with your child, in exchange for outlawing abortions, you will be aware that the following will occur (which you won’t mind doing because you people love babies, respect life and embrace fatherhood whenever it comes to you as evidenced by the millions of father free children we have now):

At 13 years old, “men” will register a mandatory DNA sample and sign a form for the Social Security Administration. It reads:

I understand women cannot impregnate themselves. I agree to be accountable (50%) financially, (50%) custodially (100%) emotionally and (100%) paternally to each child born out of every single vagina I stick my wanker in throughout my lifetime, OR suffer significant jail time, property seizures and weekly garnishments to repay the government for my portion of applicable adoption/social/medical services and vasectomy fees/procedures rendered as a result of every unintended pregnancy. In lieu of 50% physical custody, I authorize the US Treasury to enforce child support laws using the expertise of the FBI if necessary. I give local government the authority to give me a vasectomy should it be in the public interest. It’s about time legislating medical procedures concerning my personal procreation process apply to men and women equally. If the law forces “The Uterus” to have all children, the law should be able to force me to have no children or control the number of offspring I have to balance things out.

X_______________________________.

For rape and incest cases, fathers will be apprehended via the national DNA registry, put in jail for 18 years and required to work making bird cages or hat racks for all I care. Monies paid to bio dad for said work shall be remanded to the birth mother or adoptive family until the child is 18. The United States government will assume the burden for life-long counseling for the rape victim, her family and her other children, if any. The United States of America will also pay for medical care for the victim and child for life. Should “The Uterus” contract AIDS or any other disease during the assault, mom is to be given a house to raise the child in.

To quote the Orbit gum lady: Fabulous!

Comments

[finding-neo.livejournal.com]

Shhh, don't tell the ACLU.

[pktaxwench.livejournal.com]

One could only hope.....

*sigh*

[immortal-jedi.livejournal.com]

perhaps with some revisions, but I'd like that better then current policy.

[johnnypenn.livejournal.com]

Hmmmm.... *reading it over once again*

I could go for that. But I ain't a guy so I don't have to worry about giving up any DNA. What about the kids who are over thirteen at this state? is it that EVERYONE has to put in DNA and then after at thirteen the parents of the children are required by law to give up the DNA?

[heartofslash.livejournal.com]

Awesome.