Hmm. I won't say that the idea that she forwards hasn't occurred to me on occasion, being a gender studies wonk and all (so please forgive the following dissertation, but I couldn't resist!). Certainly, slash falls into the typical romantic trope of having two men fight for the same woman (which POTC, to its credit, resisted for a while and in the long run, though the fact that DMC flirted with it is somewhat shameful when CotBP was so progressive in that regard, IMO), and by eliminating the rather unnecessary and typically personality-lite woman altogether, the rivals are free to clash in every way possible (Eve Kosofsky Sedwick's theory of the homosocial, for those who care to look it up). So, yes, it can be viewed as focusing on what really makes the world go around, men wrestling with one another.

However. Doesn't the fact that women are the puppet-masters account for something? I find it far more loathsome when one of the two characters being slashed takes on a weakling, 'femme' persona. Personally, what appeals to me about m/m slash is the idea that two virile men can give into an overwhelming attraction, one that flies in the face of patriarchal constraints.

Not to mention that, as you note, this is supposed to be a hobby. Most men enjoy the idea of 'lesbian' sex when sensationalized through pornography, why shouldn't women exploit the same through the romanticized guise of erotica? The fact that slash has become so prevalent is proof of women being able to own and revel in fantasies they have always had. And some have become authors of original work in their own right. That, to me, is liberation.

Great food for thought!
-G. ;D