veronica_rich (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
veronica_rich) wrote2007-03-27 07:57 pm
veronica_rich) wrote2007-03-27 07:57 pm
A real-life Will Turner
I'd like to share a little about the husband of a good friend of mine.
I've a friend - I'll call her D - who is going to celebrate her 50th wedding anniversary this June to a man I'll refer to as C. That is, if he lives until June. C is close to 80 and has been living on borrowed time since he was about 50, when he received a heart valve and pacemaker. He'd been a firefighter for about 30 years, operating pumps for the trucks and going into burning buildings when extra personnel were needed, and his heart problems were a combination of the stress of his job, the asbestos to which he was exposed, and also his own poor choice of smoking as a young man starting back in the 1930s. As D likes to say about him, "He's a genuine, real-life hero. He's saved people's lives and sometimes, their homes and businesses."
I've known this couple for over 10 years. I've been around them regularly, and I'm on the phone a lot with D. She's a spitfire - very opinionated, a strong woman (we don't always agree, and the few things we disagree on, we lock horns pretty damn hard), and was the type who had a career back in the 1950s in producing marketing and advertising - back when there were few women in the field, nationally. She and C will occasionally disagree, but it's civil, they don't yell, and instead, try to convince one another with discussion and debate. She's said many times over the past 10-plus years that she feels lucky to have found someone who would put up with her and temper HER temper when necessary with rational argument.
Because of various medical problems and resultant symptoms I won't go into (including cancer, fluid buildup, etc.), it's quite possible C is coming to the end of his life. D has kept her spirits up pretty well over the years, and C hasn't complained unless he was really, really in pain ... but now he just doesn't have much fight left, and she's leaning toward depression. I wanted to make her feel better about the latest medical development on the phone this evening, before I hung up, so I asked, "D, why did you choose C? I mean, I know he can stand up for himself, but he's so quiet, and mild-mannered, and you're ... well, NOT."
She proceeded to explain that they dated for two years before marrying (she was 25, he's just a little older), and that C has basically always been this way. She said he would do little things for her, like get her snacks or go places with her he didn't particularly like, but she did (even after they'd been married for a few years, when she was pregnant, he would frequently come home tired after a 24-hour shift at the firehouse and walk with her the few blocks to get an ice cream cone before going to bed - because it was what she wanted). She said she also watched the way he treated his family, who didn't do much to raise him - C's aunt and uncle actually looked after him more than his mother did, and it wasn't because his mother was out working or anything; things just were that way. As a young man, she said he would take his aunt to the movies on occasion ("How many young men would do that?" she asked me). She said he didn't get angry when things would happen, but he frequently wouldn't even argue/debate with D (she said she learned later that he'd been raised in a household where people pretty much yelled to get their way, and he didn't realize there was another way until D started trying to engage him in verbal debate via persuasion. She also reported C's become very good at it over the years and has even managed to get his way almost half the time *G*).
"But did you feel like he challenged you?" I wanted to know. "I mean, he didn't argue ..."
"I never wanted the bad boy," she answered. "I would've killed one within five minutes. I didn't want someone bossing me around; I wanted someone who would be pleasant to live with, who would stand up for himself when need be, and for me the very few times I needed it - but didn't really realize I did." She went on to tell a story about how when their daughter was young, she was going into a store and a man came rushing out, pushing the door open and knocking the girl to the ground pretty hard. He ran for his car, paying no attention, and while the daughter picked herself up, C - who'd been a few steps behind - followed the guy to his car and pinned him against the side of it demanding an apology and an explanation. The fellow apologized - turned out he'd been rushing off to an emergency - and C backed off after the apology and let him go. D said their daughter got into the car and while they both watched C confront the guy, the daughter asked, "Mom, has he DONE this before?"
"I've never seen him do it," D answered, "but I never doubted it was there."
I like C. He reminds me a lot of my late grandfather. Here's a guy who's never said much anytime he's joined D and I for lunch, except every so often, to come off with a one-liner so dry, so ... unexpected, that it usually leaves you laughing later on when you're telling someone else about it. And when you're laughing at him, he just sits there with this little smile on his face, arches an eyebrow, and doesn't say much more.
C is a good guy, but I'm afraid he's running out of time. "Here's a guy who's done so much," D lamented, explaining in addition to firefighting, he's also been the kind of guy who would stop and help fix a flat for a stranger, or check on neighbors, or - once - jump out of his own boat into the river to help a couple of women in a canoe they clearly didn't know how to paddle, get to shore. "Here was a man who cared - and I thought that he would spend our lifetime together caring," she explained of her selection. "And I know if I were the one who was sick and needed to be looked after, he would do the same for me that I've done for him the past few years."
"Why do you ask?" she wondered half an hour later.
"Oh - just a discussion I was having with some people about bad boys and nice guys," I answered. "And, I just wondered if it might cheer you up to think of all this about him, instead of what you were thinking about him."
She thought about it a moment. "It does," she finally answered, right before we said our goodbyes.
I've known for years there's nothing wrong with the Will Turners of the world - in this case, guys who are everyday "heroes" better than even a fictional character for actually existing in the real world - long before the character existed. For anyone who wonders why I grind my teeth at seeing those traits so roundly criticized or belittled (because it's not the *character*, it's the character of the character) ... now you know some of the rest of the story.
I've a friend - I'll call her D - who is going to celebrate her 50th wedding anniversary this June to a man I'll refer to as C. That is, if he lives until June. C is close to 80 and has been living on borrowed time since he was about 50, when he received a heart valve and pacemaker. He'd been a firefighter for about 30 years, operating pumps for the trucks and going into burning buildings when extra personnel were needed, and his heart problems were a combination of the stress of his job, the asbestos to which he was exposed, and also his own poor choice of smoking as a young man starting back in the 1930s. As D likes to say about him, "He's a genuine, real-life hero. He's saved people's lives and sometimes, their homes and businesses."
I've known this couple for over 10 years. I've been around them regularly, and I'm on the phone a lot with D. She's a spitfire - very opinionated, a strong woman (we don't always agree, and the few things we disagree on, we lock horns pretty damn hard), and was the type who had a career back in the 1950s in producing marketing and advertising - back when there were few women in the field, nationally. She and C will occasionally disagree, but it's civil, they don't yell, and instead, try to convince one another with discussion and debate. She's said many times over the past 10-plus years that she feels lucky to have found someone who would put up with her and temper HER temper when necessary with rational argument.
Because of various medical problems and resultant symptoms I won't go into (including cancer, fluid buildup, etc.), it's quite possible C is coming to the end of his life. D has kept her spirits up pretty well over the years, and C hasn't complained unless he was really, really in pain ... but now he just doesn't have much fight left, and she's leaning toward depression. I wanted to make her feel better about the latest medical development on the phone this evening, before I hung up, so I asked, "D, why did you choose C? I mean, I know he can stand up for himself, but he's so quiet, and mild-mannered, and you're ... well, NOT."
She proceeded to explain that they dated for two years before marrying (she was 25, he's just a little older), and that C has basically always been this way. She said he would do little things for her, like get her snacks or go places with her he didn't particularly like, but she did (even after they'd been married for a few years, when she was pregnant, he would frequently come home tired after a 24-hour shift at the firehouse and walk with her the few blocks to get an ice cream cone before going to bed - because it was what she wanted). She said she also watched the way he treated his family, who didn't do much to raise him - C's aunt and uncle actually looked after him more than his mother did, and it wasn't because his mother was out working or anything; things just were that way. As a young man, she said he would take his aunt to the movies on occasion ("How many young men would do that?" she asked me). She said he didn't get angry when things would happen, but he frequently wouldn't even argue/debate with D (she said she learned later that he'd been raised in a household where people pretty much yelled to get their way, and he didn't realize there was another way until D started trying to engage him in verbal debate via persuasion. She also reported C's become very good at it over the years and has even managed to get his way almost half the time *G*).
"But did you feel like he challenged you?" I wanted to know. "I mean, he didn't argue ..."
"I never wanted the bad boy," she answered. "I would've killed one within five minutes. I didn't want someone bossing me around; I wanted someone who would be pleasant to live with, who would stand up for himself when need be, and for me the very few times I needed it - but didn't really realize I did." She went on to tell a story about how when their daughter was young, she was going into a store and a man came rushing out, pushing the door open and knocking the girl to the ground pretty hard. He ran for his car, paying no attention, and while the daughter picked herself up, C - who'd been a few steps behind - followed the guy to his car and pinned him against the side of it demanding an apology and an explanation. The fellow apologized - turned out he'd been rushing off to an emergency - and C backed off after the apology and let him go. D said their daughter got into the car and while they both watched C confront the guy, the daughter asked, "Mom, has he DONE this before?"
"I've never seen him do it," D answered, "but I never doubted it was there."
I like C. He reminds me a lot of my late grandfather. Here's a guy who's never said much anytime he's joined D and I for lunch, except every so often, to come off with a one-liner so dry, so ... unexpected, that it usually leaves you laughing later on when you're telling someone else about it. And when you're laughing at him, he just sits there with this little smile on his face, arches an eyebrow, and doesn't say much more.
C is a good guy, but I'm afraid he's running out of time. "Here's a guy who's done so much," D lamented, explaining in addition to firefighting, he's also been the kind of guy who would stop and help fix a flat for a stranger, or check on neighbors, or - once - jump out of his own boat into the river to help a couple of women in a canoe they clearly didn't know how to paddle, get to shore. "Here was a man who cared - and I thought that he would spend our lifetime together caring," she explained of her selection. "And I know if I were the one who was sick and needed to be looked after, he would do the same for me that I've done for him the past few years."
"Why do you ask?" she wondered half an hour later.
"Oh - just a discussion I was having with some people about bad boys and nice guys," I answered. "And, I just wondered if it might cheer you up to think of all this about him, instead of what you were thinking about him."
She thought about it a moment. "It does," she finally answered, right before we said our goodbyes.
I've known for years there's nothing wrong with the Will Turners of the world - in this case, guys who are everyday "heroes" better than even a fictional character for actually existing in the real world - long before the character existed. For anyone who wonders why I grind my teeth at seeing those traits so roundly criticized or belittled (because it's not the *character*, it's the character of the character) ... now you know some of the rest of the story.